@faithisleaping@anarres.family
Post #4114407
2026-07-26 14:47 UTC
But often we’re asked to.
Other people have to still live in community with that person. They still have to put up with their shit, at least to a certain extent. They need to empathize with them because that’s how we love others and don’t just hate them for their flaws.
But when the victim is also in that community, it’s hard for people to hold space for both and to hold that tension. Loving two people when one has hurt the other that deeply is hard. For many, it’s not even possible. So often people do the easy thing and ask the victim to hold that tension. They ask the victim to emphasize. They ask the victim to make up with their abuser. Because that’s easier than kicking the abuser out (because then they look like the bad guys) or living in that tension.
Replies (1)
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@faithisleaping@anarres.family 2026-07-26 14:51
Often the result is that the victim is forced to leave. We leave communities. We leave our own families. We walk away because the only other choice given to us by that community is to shut up and continue to listen to other people justify our abusers or even blame us for what happened. So we walk away. Not because we don’t love those people. Because we can’t love those people and love ourselves at the same time.