Post #4114164

The damage my dad did to me (if you’ve followed for a while, you know) was mostly done during my growing up years. I barely saw him and he didn’t really have any control over my life after I left for university. But what destroyed me was the fact that I spent the next 15 years repeating to myself all the reasons why he was probably right or at least reasonable and why I needed to be understanding. The single hardest part of transition and healing for me wasn’t any of the stuff we talk about. It wasn’t getting medical care. It wasn’t finding a therapist. It wasn’t working through my own identity issues or any of that. The single hardest part was the 6-9 months (and probably year and a half before that) which I spent rehashing every argument I had for why my dad’s position was reasonable and why I should give it space. It took years to undo what those decades of empathizing with my abuser had done to me. Years to break his power over me.