Post #4114162

2026-07-26 14:39 UTC

Now, as a said before, none of this means that abusers don’t deserve empathy. They’re human beings and all humans deserve empathy. But they don’t deserve empathy from their victims. This also doesn’t mean that abuse victims get a forever pass from empathy and can freely be assholes who never need show empathy towards others. No. Just because you’re abused doesn’t mean you get a free pass to hurt others. But they don’t need to empathize with their abuser.

Replies (1)

@faithisleaping@anarres.family 2026-07-26 14:47

But often we’re asked to. Other people have to still live in community with that person. They still have to put up with their shit, at least to a certain extent. They need to empathize with them because that’s how we love others and don’t just hate them for their flaws. But when the victim is also in that community, it’s hard for people to hold space for both and to hold that tension. Loving two people when one has hurt the other that deeply is hard. For many, it’s not even possible. So often people do the easy thing and ask the victim to hold that tension. They ask the victim to emphasize. They ask the victim to make up with their abuser. Because that’s easier than kicking the abuser out (because then they look like the bad guys) or living in that tension.

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