Post #4113746

2026-07-26 14:17 UTC

A big part of healing is recognizing what was done for what it was. Assault. Emotional abuse. Narcissistic abuse. Spiritual abuse. There are many forms of violence that may have been committed. It’s not that the label is important, it’s that we have to see the abuse we experienced for what was and believe that the damage it caused, emotionally, spiritually, or physically is real and that we didn’t deserve that. (And sometimes we need a label in order to believe that the abuse was real.) In order to heal, we have to first recognize what was done to us for what it was. We have to understand the ways in which that abuse broke us. And then we have to find new ways of living and new patterns that route around the damage. Empathy short-circuits that and gets is focused on our abuser and their needs and just repeats the cycle of abuse.

Replies (1)

@faithisleaping@anarres.family 2026-07-26 14:35

The damage my dad did to me (if you’ve followed for a while, you know) was mostly done during my growing up years. I barely saw him and he didn’t really have any control over my life after I left for university. But what destroyed me was the fact that I spent the next 15 years repeating to myself all the reasons why he was probably right or at least reasonable and why I needed to be understanding. The single hardest part of transition and healing for me wasn’t any of the stuff we talk about. It wasn’t getting medical care. It wasn’t finding a therapist. It wasn’t working through my own identity issues or any of that. The single hardest part was the 6-9 months (and probably year and a half before that) which I spent rehashing every argument I had for why my dad’s position was reasonable and why I should give it space. It took years to undo what those decades of empathizing with my abuser had done to me. Years to break his power over me.

Open ##4114164