Post #4105061

I've always had detachment from my body, not felt connected to it. This started to change with transitioning, but it's area focused. I like my boobs, I like the waist that has emerged, my butt looks great from every angle (so I'm reliably told). But the detachment remains. I measured as 25.2 BMI 6 weeks ago, now I measure it as 22.5 BMI. I can do this as I don't care about how my body feels or suffers, I don't care about the whole of it, just bits of it. I feel like what is emerging I feel connected to, the rest I still need to learn to accept. I've started to understand, after the transphobic attack on me earlier this week, that surgery isn't going to solve all the things. I'm going to be able to look at my body in the mirror and feel vastly better about it, but others are going to see a tall person with Adams apple, and clock me as something I'm not as they rightly will not see me naked. I am struggling to know what I need for me, vs what I need to give me safety as me. I find myself ever more interested in the science of social engineering as a way to signal to others how I see me, to better gift myself safety. The emfcamp talk on how to break into buildings with boobs is revealing in this sense and cited good resources... Maybe I can draw from those. My body is pretty amazing, but yet I don't treat it with respect yet, and my internal image of it is not what others see. I've so much still to do. PS: I seldom post my thoughts like this... Is it interesting to anyone?