Post #4035409

This reply is so delicious, I had to share it: Dear Prudence, I was raised in a very liberal home, both politically and socially, and I still consider myself very liberal. My pet peeve is gay married couples using the terms “wife” and “husband.” It seems to me that gays use the term more often than hetero couples do. “My wife this, my wife that.” I was raised that it was polite to use names, not pronouns. This is pretty much the same. I almost never say “my husband said.” I say, “Frank said.” But my real peeve is feeling something precious has been stolen from me. The term wife and husband had a specific meaning since the dawn of mankind. Now it has a more legal meaning. I wish society would create another word for the legal relationship of two same-sex people who love each other. Does this make me homophobic? Dear Respect Mine, Every time a letter starts with something along the lines of “I’m very liberal but …” I brace myself for what’s to come. Because it’s always something the letter writer knows damn well is a bigoted, ignorant, or just plain mean opinion. This was no exception. I don’t even know that homophobia is the biggest issue here, although it’s certainly present. You’re just being ridiculously petty and a diabolical hater. Let’s think through this together: Pretend you’re right (to be clear, you’re not) that gay couples use the terms husband and wife excessively. How have they stolen something from you when your upbringing (in which topics like mind your own business and live and let live evidently didn’t feature heavily) means you don’t even use these terms because you believe it’s better to use names? What exactly is happening in your life and in terms of your status in the world and your ability to find happiness as a result? And really, truly, who cares? Your stance is such a random waste of energy that I can’t help but want to dive deeper to investigate what might have made this feel important enough to write a letter to an advice column. And you should take this journey with me, because I’m sure you would rather not spend your emotional resources on tallying the words uttered by people who aren’t giving you a second thought and then stewing in resentment. Do you harbor some kind of unconscious belief that there’s only so much relationship happiness to go around and gay people are hoarding it? Does it bother you that they may now be relishing rights and legal status that same-sex couples didn’t always have? Do you worry that if they are enjoying this level of equality too much, something in the universe will be thrown off and you will have bad luck? Is your marriage so miserable that the only thing it has going for it is the titles for each spouse, and if too many people use these titles, their value is somehow watered down? Did a tree fall on your house in a recent storm, or are you in a fight with your best friend, or has your husband fallen in love with a chatbot, and are you protecting yourself from the stress of confronting the issue that’s facing you by manufacturing non-problems to complain about? Either way, you seem to feel that being homophobic is a bad thing. I appreciate that and I agree with you. So if you must have a stupid pet peeve, please create a different one that doesn’t turn you into someone you don’t want to be.