Post #3882090

For so many years after transition, it’s all about figuring yourself out and your presentation and actually becoming the woman (or other adult gender) you are. And when you get to the point where you are just living as yourself, it still feels like being in your early 20s again, figuring stuff out, seeking out new experiences, and rebuilding your life. Then, after that…you find yourself established, probably a bit existentially exhausted, and your time horizon has shifted from the next year to many years or a decade. You’re fully an adult as yourself. Even if you’re supposed to have reached this spot chronologically for years or decades now, you’re only just getting there. And it’s confusing because of how much fewer models there are. Like, for me, I am now a middle-aged childless woman who is doing a career pivot, laying down plans with found family to maybe buy ourselves a home in the next decade, and…what comes next? How does one live this kind of life, what’s important to think about or plan for, what is worthwhile to nurture and cultivate, and what does it mean to be an adult, queer woman living on her own terms? I wonder if this is how life will go now, or if at the 10 or 15 year mark of transition, there’s yet another shift in what it means and feels like to try to be a person in this world. Aging and development for trans folks is definitely a complicated and disjointed experience filled with asymmetries. So…um…damn, I’ve been a girl, a young woman, and now to figure out what it means to be a middle aged woman without children or a conventional life structure. Maybe I need to pick up some books with inspiring women characters that walk this kind of path