Post #3741905

@SleepyCatten@cultofshiv.wtf I keep thinking of how to talk about it and fumbling. I guess it is part of the idea of self worth, worthy of love, those kind of thoughts but it actually goes back more to the fortress around my heart that I built to protect myself. I don't really know how much is locked away and how buried it is. I might be more aro-ace or trauma induced aro-ace or just not functioning chemically right due to hormones or who knows what at this point... I don't know. I need to work on just not being broken. I need to not have self worth tied to others. There is so much I have to work past but honestly I welcome opinions and ideas. I am still just searching for answers on how to fix me. I am jealous of how people can hold someone close and feel at peace. That people can have such deep connections. When I read lesbian romance I'm jealous of the characters. Love, lust, closeness, friendship, I don't know these things really in a lot of ways. People describe things and often fail to describe them well or just outright use the word they are trying to describe in the description or in ways I can't believe. I want to feel my emotions fully again. I want to know how it feels to truly care for someone. I want to be able to care about me more. I know there are no answers but thank you for adding some input.