Post #3735348

Unlearning the wrong way, does not automatically teach us the right way and I guess that I am not the only autistic person who had to learn that about neurodivergent relationships. In other words, embracing your autistic self, unmasking the autism and acting like an excited toddler on coke are not the same thing. I mentioned it in other posts before, that we didn’t have an autistic kindergarten, that we did not learn healthy autistic behavior and socializing while growing up. It’s not our fault, we don’t have to feel ashamed for it. What our parents, what the world taught us was often unhelpful, even damaging for most of us. That creates problems in our neurodivergent relationships, we can overwhelm, destabilize each other or feel like we are still too much, even with other autistic people and that hurts. Going back to masking, to neuronormative behavior and communication is not the solution of course, we have to gain emotional maturity in an authentic neurodivergent way. Understanding ourselves and our needs and communicating them openly is a key factor in my experience. Respecting other people’s boundaries and not trying to push them is another. And we have to be honest to ourselves, when it comes to that. Taking things literally, needing rules does not mean that we are incapable of nuance and that everything has to be explained in detail. Especially as an AuDHD person that can be a tricky thing, when the need for dopamine, for intensity is pushing us forward, when we are in a hyperfocus on another person. In my experience letting relationships develop slowly, giving each other space is important, while at the same time accommodating the rejection sensitivity and need for clarity by communicating openly helps not to become dysregulated in the process. Just not responding anymore, ghosting an AuDHD person is cruel. Our neurodivergence gives us so many skills we can use in the process of getting to know each other, connecting with each other. Pattern recognition, high empathy, honesty, analytical skills, curiosity, critical thinking skills, building routines, being structured and detail focused and so many other AuDHD strengths can help us with being our authentic, unmasked autistic selves while building healthy relationships with other neurodivergent people. #ActuallyAutistic #AuDHD #neurodivergent @autistics@fedigroups.social