Post #3500207

Good morning esteemed employee! We have exciting news! After many months of hard work and deliberation by our entire management team and the Board of Directors, we have chosen to enter into a long-term agreement with Forward Workplace Optimization Solutions LLC to help us realize the full potential of our incredible resources and enter a new phase in our journey to implement sensible data-driven optimizations to our workflow. We have been using high-tech cameras and stationed at carefully chosen positions around the office to monitor what pieces of office resource you utilize most frequently. Starting next week, we will begin adjusting the locations of each resource to bring the most commonly used tools closest to your fingertips and reduce how often you need to access the cupboards and supply closet. The most frequent resources after the computers have been the pens, the scratch paper, the stapler, and the tape. These will continue to be available at each workstation, but their exact positions may change week-to-week or even day-to-day to bring the one currently experiencing the greatest utilization under your fingertips. Be advised that if you do not return these to their assigned location after each use, it may result in extra charges from our partner to correct the errors. We will be tracking who is responsible for these additional changes and you may see your paycheck adjusted accordingly. We found that the two least-commonly-used-resources were the fire extinguisher and the AED. These resources have been moved to a storage facility offsite. If you need them, please see the email that will be sent later today with instructions on how to make a transfer request with our partner. These requests may take three business days to be completed, depending on our partner's availability. We are confident that the productivity gains from this new partnership will eventually be felt across the workforce, but there was a significant upfront on-boarding expense, so we hope you'll understand that there will be no holiday bonuses this year. Thank you for your enthusiasm on this matter. With your help, we are confident that our goose will now be fully valued!