Post #3101734

2026-05-26 17:05 UTC

I think this is part of why I struggled for so long to distinguish conflict from drama, constructive feedback from gossip, caution from discrediting. Because from inside the situation, all of it felt emotionally real. People would tell me they were “just communicating,” “just asking questions,” “just expressing concerns,” and on an individual level, many of them were telling the truth. But over time I started realizing that conversations which were supposedly about understanding often left me feeling less understood, not more. And I think a huge part of that was because many of these conversations were taking place while I was already in a hyper-verbal state. People often interpreted my hyper-verbalism as dominance or emotional aggression because externally I was talking a lot, explaining a lot, contextualizing everything. But internally, it usually came from panic, confusion, desperation, and the overwhelming feeling that I was failing to communicate something important about my reality. The harder I tried to clarify myself, the more tangled everything became. And looking back now, I can also understand why some people experienced me as overwhelming. (2/8)

Replies (1)

@Rosalyn@mindly.social 2026-05-26 17:05

That part is painful to admit, because internally I often felt powerless during those conversations, not powerful. But hyper-verbalism creates a strange social illusion. Length, intensity, rapid contextualization, emotional urgency — people can experience those things as pressure even when the person speaking feels terrified, cornered, or deeply alone. I don’t think most people understood that I often did not know how to stop explaining myself once I felt misunderstood. Silence did not feel neutral to me. Silence felt like abandonment, distortion, or permanent misinterpretation taking root in real time. So I kept talking. Trying to repair. Trying to clarify. Trying to reconnect reality back together before it drifted too far away from me. But dialogue itself was often a terrible container for that state. People interrupt each other. People debate wording instead of emotion. People focus on inconsistencies instead of distress. Every clarification creates three more questions. Every answer opens another interpretive thread. At some point, communication stops feeling relational and starts feeling forensic. And I think what hurt me most was realizing that while I was entering many of these conversations emotionally alone, other people were often entering them already socially reinforced in ways they themselves did not fully recognize. They had partners. Best friends. Private reassurance afterward. (3/8)

Open ##3101735