Post #3101735

That part is painful to admit, because internally I often felt powerless during those conversations, not powerful. But hyper-verbalism creates a strange social illusion. Length, intensity, rapid contextualization, emotional urgency — people can experience those things as pressure even when the person speaking feels terrified, cornered, or deeply alone. I don’t think most people understood that I often did not know how to stop explaining myself once I felt misunderstood. Silence did not feel neutral to me. Silence felt like abandonment, distortion, or permanent misinterpretation taking root in real time. So I kept talking. Trying to repair. Trying to clarify. Trying to reconnect reality back together before it drifted too far away from me. But dialogue itself was often a terrible container for that state. People interrupt each other. People debate wording instead of emotion. People focus on inconsistencies instead of distress. Every clarification creates three more questions. Every answer opens another interpretive thread. At some point, communication stops feeling relational and starts feeling forensic. And I think what hurt me most was realizing that while I was entering many of these conversations emotionally alone, other people were often entering them already socially reinforced in ways they themselves did not fully recognize. They had partners. Best friends. Private reassurance afterward. (3/8)