Post #2824409

2026-05-11 01:50 UTC

@little_foxtoy@bark.lgbt A common assumption We see folks make is that "roles" are something innate or static and linked to a given headmate, but We feel that tends to be an unhelpful redaction. In Our opinion, it's much more helpful to treat these labels (and all others, for that matter) as something descriptive, rather than prescriptive - for example that Aimée isn't the onemost around because she's the host, she's the host because she does the most. This change in framing can be all it takes. Often headmates feel confined by the role they agree, or, perhaps, reluctantly accept they have and stepping out of that can be as simple as them believing that it doesn't have to be this way. And from there it's a matter of organization among the headmates and training for the desired outcome - for her to learn to let go of the front, for you to keep holding onto it. The organization can be helped by externalizing communication, perhaps in a chat with somemany else, perhaps somewhere private, but generallyit helps to write thesethings out, as communicating in vague feelings has the potential for stuff to not be properly let out, for example via gaps in the communication being subconsciously filled by what the other wants or expects them to communicate.

Replies (2)

@cf@todon.eu 2026-05-11 01:50

@little_foxtoy@bark.lgbt This, of course, assumes that everymany is equal, which is basically never the case, but the nuances of that can't be accounted for without knowing the situation closer.

Open ##2824410
@little_foxtoy@bark.lgbt 2026-05-12 11:36

@cf@todon.eu 🔥 Yeah I would definitely agree with the notion of "Aimée is host because she's the one that's fronting the most, not the other way around." But she also seems to be "the default". What I mean by that, is for example when we wake up, usually she's in front. Or for example June (🫦) and Sara (💄) have a really hard time holding on to the front, when a situation, that brought them out, is over. And even though nobody is actively initiating a switch, so far it was always Aimée that switched in then. (Interestingly, yesterday I was in front when we woke up. Also a few other things make it seem, like a host change might be happening kinda naturally atm.) Sadly we don't really have any inner communication and still have a hard time switching on purpose (although it's a bit easier for "Aimée 🔄 Me" than "Aimée / Me 🔄 any other headmate"), so yeah I guess externalizing communication is the only viable way.

Open ##2824411