Post #2442573
2026-05-10 22:06 UTC
Replies (10)
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@Chishiki611@enby.life 2026-05-10 23:44
@little_foxtoy@bark.lgbt (🤍 nova - she/her) As a system, granting and revoking co-host powers (including gate-keeper powers) can be done by other co-hosts, which we only have needed to do a handfull of times with the exception of the original (who is nameless rn due to personal matters, but basically has the highest permissions and access to headspace and the body of any of the co-hosts), such actions happen at thought level and are pretty much effective immediately As for that exception, while the co-hosts intend to do a host-switch like you describe, we have not done this before because circumstances IRL require us to hide our plurality when it comes to fedi, the original (who is no longer as active on fedi as they used to be) was our system's representative to fedi, but that role was changed twice (💜 marielle - she/her) yeah, I had the representative role for a while, until nova took over - these changes did not affect powers in headspace/IRL, however, since the original is on-guard and ready to switch in if needed, which overrides all other gatekeeper actions
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@violet@fedi.lesbianforest.club 2026-05-11 00:21
@little_foxtoy@bark.lgbt 🌠 So we dont have a host exactly, but I end up filling a lot of the stereotypical host roles. I'd say most of them are covered between two or three of us, and we tend to switch who does what the same way I'd change any habit for just me: an intentional handover, occasional check-ins, and gradual release of responsibility. Its like starting a nre job, but the host role is a pretty large set of responsibilities. Maybe spend some time actively co-hosting if you can, to pass smaller habits that might not be obvious and help the new person get used to it. Alternatively, you can split the host role among people who like doing specific things. We have a girl who loves sleeping, so she's usually in charge of executive stuff around sleep, making decisions about our bedroom, and so on. We also have a member who absolutely hates eating and will not do it, so we make sure it doesn't have to do that.
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@cf@todon.eu 2026-05-11 01:50
@little_foxtoy@bark.lgbt A common assumption We see folks make is that "roles" are something innate or static and linked to a given headmate, but We feel that tends to be an unhelpful redaction. In Our opinion, it's much more helpful to treat these labels (and all others, for that matter) as something descriptive, rather than prescriptive - for example that Aimée isn't the onemost around because she's the host, she's the host because she does the most. This change in framing can be all it takes. Often headmates feel confined by the role they agree, or, perhaps, reluctantly accept they have and stepping out of that can be as simple as them believing that it doesn't have to be this way. And from there it's a matter of organization among the headmates and training for the desired outcome - for her to learn to let go of the front, for you to keep holding onto it. The organization can be helped by externalizing communication, perhaps in a chat with somemany else, perhaps somewhere private, but generallyit helps to write thesethings out, as communicating in vague feelings has the potential for stuff to not be properly let out, for example via gaps in the communication being subconsciously filled by what the other wants or expects them to communicate.
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@efi@chitter.xyz 2026-05-11 01:57
@little_foxtoy@bark.lgbt im not plural, but what helps with any routine is writing it down unless you also have adhd, then writing it down is "just a suggestion"
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@rawry@cubhub.social 2026-05-11 04:03
@little_foxtoy@bark.lgbt 🖤: I'll bite on this. Your mileage may vary depending on the level of collaboration y'all have but when I took over the host role from Autumn (💛) it looked something like this direct convo about the switch and how both think about it active effort between y'all to step back (Aimée) and to hold onto the front (you). If you have a gatekeeper, working with them to facilitate those efforts specifically for you, finding something to use for anchoring. For example we use a system of charms to help anchor Obviously it's tough to say what would work for y'all's system but at an incredibly high level overview this worked for us, like barely scratching the surface. Good luck, def open to more questions if interested.
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@forgottenvalley@wafrn.is.sillyand.gay 2026-05-11 05:40
@little_foxtoy@bark.lgbt Roles are descriptive, not prescriptive. Just start doing things. It does not have to be some formal exchange.
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@RoseThorndyke@cathode.church 2026-05-11 06:23
@little_foxtoy@bark.lgbt Hello! I have two answers. What would make it difficult to switch "roles"? The fact people would not call you by your name? The fact you are unsure how to front more? Some other thing I am not thinking about? What are the blockers? A role isn't static, as you might know, and you seem aalready cautious about how your other headmate feel about it. My advice would be: progressively front more and more, and you'll see if it works.
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@0@corteximplant.com 2026-05-11 17:05
@little_foxtoy@bark.lgbt wo don't have first hand experience but some things that would for sure help make it smoother: let her signpost it internally so that you and the others know for sure that's what she wants. try making it fair e.g. offering a limited time with the option to extend, so it doesn't feel like a coup. be ready and accepting of the role (which I suppose you are already) and listen to feedback once you're hosting.
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@witch@calamity.world 2026-05-11 22:03
@little_foxtoy@bark.lgbt When Warden swapped from our original, we'd been organized all hub-and-spokes, and been working on making "I'm zhe host, doing zhis as you." zhinner and zhinner, until zhere wasn't an interface at all. Like slowly one person easing out from a chair as anozher person slides into it, all so zhey can take over zhe keyboard. Zhis got rushed to completion by our original fading for few monzhs, but was well underway beforehand.
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@sparklesugarfairy@app.wafrn.net 2026-05-13 06:34
@little_foxtoy@bark.lgbt Try to stimulate her part of the brain more say her name wake her up and expose her to her fave things more often idk how switching works besides "changing perspective" but trying to be more similar to each other can also help