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@ljs@mastodonapp.uk
Post #2209313
2026-05-08 07:40 UTC
LSF/MM 2026 done. As usual very intense!
My talk went well, it was well-received and productive, which obviously was a relief and a nice outcome.
On day 3 I had a real wobble mental health-wise, I have a huge amount going on in my personal + professional life and a brain that constantly tells me I'm worthless...
Of course this very same brain 'gathers evidence' of me being stupid + everybody else being smart in hyper extreme mode at an event like this, which freezes me up more than I would if it didn't, which is then taken as 'evidence' and around the loop we go...
That plus some genuine gaps in my experience and it becomes so hard to resist a spiral into 'what am I doing here I'm a fraud'.
It's happened at every single LSF, though this was the one I 'performed' best at, I was at the lowest point.
Some good people like @david@social.kernel.org and @vbabka@mastodon.social and Willy were there for me, who I cannot thank enough.
Willy also gave a great speech on mental health and being supportive which meant a lot
Replies (1)
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@david@social.kernel.org @vbabka@mastodon.social I try very hard to not let this 'be a thing' especially at a conference, I hate to drag people down or put my shit on them, but some moments it's all just a bit too much (I have basically every part of my life on fire at once at the moment, with little to no escape).
A depressed brain, especially if you have some degree of smarts, is a terrible source of pain.
(Relatedly, I promise) the power of the movie 'The Exorcist' is that it's _really_ talking about mental health:
"The demon is a liar. He will lie to confuse us; but he will also mix lies with the truth to attack us. His attack is psychological, Damien. And powerful."
And that's the problem.
Open ##2209312