Post #2187074

When I was in NYC schools, I used to play with rubber bands, and I'd fold paper into tiny "bullets" and I'd "slingshot" them at things for fun... I mean, I was like probably 9 years old and smartphones weren't even a thing yet and I had no DS like some rich kids in my class did (early 2010s for context). So, anyways, I was messing with ciphers with another kid, and we were in the same grade and same class in the afterschool program we went to, so we'd kinda pass notes to each other using the cipher, by slingshotting the piece of paper. So I was nearsighted. I can't aim properly. I was trying to aim like at that kid's desk, I accidentally hit the staff/teacher/volunteer (idk what he even count as, don't think they are officially licensed teachers, it's some non-profit program and there were a bunch of volunteers, probably doing it as community service hours for college or something)... dude got mad at me and I got in trouble, and because I was in a foreign country, I felt very vulnerable, I felt scared, and I just cried... The other time was like in a different afterschool program. I think it was like 3rd grade, and they played some holiday music around december, I remeber it feeling very like Christmas... but anyways, idk what happened, I think the music just triggered my sensory issues or something (I have no diagnoses of anything btw), so I just felt this sudden urge... so I went up to the smartboard thing and turned down the volume. The white lady teacher got so pissed at me, she marked my behavior chard to red (I think I remember she was also my homeroom teacher, so she had control over the behavior chart thing), red is the worst, yellow is a warning, green is good behavior. It wasn't even official class time, it was afterschool. Why does behavior outside school hours even count? So I couldn't go on school trips until I "behaved" again. Like... I just cried... Yes I cried very often... I was a scared little kid in a foreign country and had no idea wtf is going on. I remember being excluded from a lot of trips, and have no clue wtf was happening around me. Like... seriously I didn't even damage anything... the music was just hurting my ears... my sanity... Why yell at a 9 year old child that doesn't even speak much English? Fucking karen. So I kinda just feel very intimidated by teachers from that moment on. I think I vaguely remember a few dreams in my late teens, like way after my family left NYC, where I remember, in the dream, being trapped in an elementary school classroom, from where I was waking up so anxious...