Post #2138061

Breaking news! The International Olympics Committee has announced that, to ensure fairness, all women's athletics events will be restricted to white women. "The most important thing," said IOC president Kirsty Coventry, "is that the most racist viewers believe that the Olympics is fair." "We tried banning trans women from the women's Olympics, but viewers kept insisting that every black woman who won was secretly trans. Even when we added sex verification, some people still alleged that women of color who passed the sex test were biologically male. It seems the only way to stop accusations of 'men in women's sports" is to ban all women of color." Not everyone is happy about this controversial new policy. One IOC staff member, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, even when as far as to call the new policy racist. "The women's Olympics are supposed to showcase the best of the best female athletes from around the world," said the unnamed employee. "How can we claim to feature the best female athletes when the majority of women are excluded?" Coventry dismissed concerns that a racially-discriminatory policy could negatively impact the Olympics' reputation. "We looked to thoroughbred horseracing as an example. After all, our target audience are people who believe women are livestock," said Coventry. "Many people believe that the Kentucky Derby represents the greatest athletic achievement by the fastest racehorses in the world, completely unaware that it is limited to three-year-old purebred horses of a specific breed." "Besides," she continued, "Top horse trainers regularly get caught violating doping rules, get slaps on the wrist, and continue training uninterrupted. And none of their fans seem to care. Clearly, the organizers' PR teams are doing something right." Starting with the 2028 Olympics, female athletes will have to complete a one-time race verification test, which measures their melanin level to determine if they are biologically white. Overtime, however, they will strengthen the requirements. Women will need to prove that both of their parents were in the breed registry of the white breed in order to compete in the Olympics. When asked whether male athletes would have to submit to race verification, Kirsty Coventry's face contorted into a horrified expression. "No! Of course not!" She shouted. "How could you ask something so horrifying? White cis men have a right to medical privacy!"