Post #2134714

My phone went dead Should I charge it? Mm, maybe not Who would call? I get excited over scam calls Spam texts make me feel alive At least somebody’s reaching out Even if it’s all a lie Everyone loves my apartment Says I’m lucky, says I’ve made it Funny how you can have everything And still feel disconnected I’m fine when I am busy When there’s somewhere I should be Give me gigs and give me deadlines Give me people needing me Cause when I’m left alone too long My brain starts getting loud Tells me I’m all potential That never figured itself out I keep showing up Keep putting myself out there Smile for photos Fix my hair Tell my friends “big things are coming” Like if I say it, it comes true But I’m so tired of pretending That I know what I’m meant to do I just wanna be useful I just wanna matter too What’s the point of all this trying If nothing’s breaking through? They say be around the people That you wanna be like someday But how can I become somebody When there’s no one here anyway? I’m posting clips and writing captions Selling dreams I barely feel Making art about survival While I’m not sure this life feels real Family calls with bad news I say “I’m fine,” I play my part Everybody needs something from me When I’m falling apart And I hate how jealous I get Watching people move ahead Engagements, babies, careers While I can barely leave my bed If I disappeared tomorrow Would they miss me or my work? Would they repost old poems Talk about how much I hurt? Would they say I had such promise? That I lit up every room? Funny how flowers get delivered When there’s no one left to give them to I just wanna be useful I just wanna feel needed Cause breathing gets exhausting When your life feels repeated They say everything takes time Maybe mine got lost somewhere I keep showing up to life And life acts like I’m not there My phone went dead Should I charge it? What for?