Post #1649599

@taedryn complicated topic for me…I considered myself to be all the way at the hypersexual end of this particular spectrum for a while, and then Life Happened I Guess, I went into my first ever depression as I lost my job and my wife moved away and some aspects of my other relationships changed, and at some point I really had to find a job so I took the brain pills that I knew would murder the shit out of the last bit of my already declined sex drive, willingly and consciously deciding to stop thinking about sexuality so I could focus on survival. Welp, I stopped taking my meds, it didn’t magically come back. I’ve been talking about this in therapy for a while now, without really getting anywhere so far. Because I kinda miss being sexual and interacting with the world in that way, for a while it was kind of a big part of my identity? But I also can’t imagine myself going back to that, not as I am right now. Recently, a friend said I give grandma vibes, and that made me really happy; maybe there’s a way for me to form an identity that doesn’t revolve around sexuality? I dunno. At the same time, my relationship with sexuality was always complicated, I kinda half-voluntarily decided to live asexually all the way until 2023, and then it was kinda freeing to finally be able to be sexual for a while…so I guess I also feel like I am missing out for myself. Like, this thing I thought of as unattainable is clearly within reach now, and now brain just says no, when I haven’t even made all of the kinds of experiences I would’ve been interested in? Aaaagh. All in all, I try not to think about it too much. Outside of therapy, at least. I have to be functional instead. 😅