Post #1236407

2026-04-11 19:09 UTC

We are all shamed into staying within narrow confines of what is socially acceptable for our assigned gender. We narrow our possibilities, split ourselves into the part that we can be and the part that is forbidden. And then we create an inner gatekeeper whose job it is to keep us from the forbidden parts of ourselves. To police us before society can even catch us out. And if you're that sort of person, you then project this inner judgment externally. Onto, perhaps, your children. Or your classmates. Or the people who work for you. Or sex workers. Or your wife. 14/

Replies (2)

@Tattie@eldritch.cafe 2026-04-11 19:10

To be a cis man is to learn that being a woman is shameful, to be derided and never emulated. To be a cis woman is to learn that being a woman is somehow both shameful and obligatory. To be transfem is the same, but the obligation comes from your own deepest yearnings and is thus extra shameful. (I won't try to speak to the transmasc experience). 15/

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@woozle@toot.cat 2026-04-11 22:44

@Tattie Ironically (if that's the right word), my conception of ideal femininity has always been firmly rooted in the idea of rebelling against conventional social expectations of femininity -- and my attraction to it was never about clothing, because I liked it better when girls wore neutral-to-masc clothing. That's what I found attractive and what I secretly wished I looked like. (FWIW: the obstacle for me was that I had been taught that gender was entirely socialized, therefore the idea of wanting to be a different gender was a logical contradiction and also probably indicative of secretly being a rapist or something.) (And anecdata, in case it's useful: I never went through a Nazi phase; was always a feminist. I never even went through the more common phase of trying extra-hard to perform masculinity -- I always hated it, knew I hated it, and saw nothing wrong with that.)

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