@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

Dan Ports

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

@dan@discuss.systems · 2d ago

continuing to enjoy how my German-manufactured doorbell interacts with me in exactly the way one would expect a German doorbell to

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Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

@dan@discuss.systems · Mar 09, 2026

“This meeting could have been a nap.”

#cats #catsofmastodon

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Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

@dan@discuss.systems · Mar 09, 2026

It is International Women's Day and National Aardvark *Week*, if you're wondering where our priorities lie.

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Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

@dan@discuss.systems · Mar 03, 2026

due to DRAM supply chain issues, all interns will be required to memorize as many floating point numbers as possible.

Matrix multiplication skills also a plus.

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Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

@dan@discuss.systems · Feb 26, 2026

the fluffiest of loaves

#cats #catsofmastodon

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Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

@dan@discuss.systems · Feb 25, 2026

Two of the most important lessons I learned in grad school:

1) you can register anything you want as a fictitious business name and get an official looking logo and letterhead and credit card

2) if a conference rejects your paper, your business can book the next conference room over at the same hotel and hold your own workshop and present your paper anyway

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Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

@dan@discuss.systems · Feb 18, 2026

Can’t wait to find out how this upgrade enhances my dishwasher’s performance. At least it’s not adding new AI features, I guess…

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Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

@dan@discuss.systems · Feb 12, 2026

watching Olympic ice dance where the theme for the Rhythm Dance is "1990s" and suddenly I understand the concept of cultural appropriation

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Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

@dan@discuss.systems · Feb 11, 2026

currently obsessed with Cheeto, the chonky orange cat who lives around the physics building at UC Davis, who not only has a department webpage and a Wikipedia page, but also has a RateMyProfessor page with 331 ratings for his course Loaf 101.

https://hpc.ucdavis.edu/people/cheeto-cat
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheeto_(UC_Davis_Cat)
https://www.ratemyprofessors.com/professor/3028076

(via @sharon@discuss.systems and @amanda@discuss.systems; photo from Wikipedia)

#cats

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Thread context 2 posts in path

Parent @mattblaze@federate.social Open

@mattblaze@federate.social

@skinnylatte@hachyderm.io oh my god it’s so awful. And virtually every US university uses it for hiring.

Current reply

Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

@dan@discuss.systems · Nov 12, 2025

@mattblaze@federate.social @skinnylatte@hachyderm.io oh, don't worry, they've also now introduced Workday Student, which from what I've heard takes the awfulness to a new level

View full thread on discuss.systems

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Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

@dan@discuss.systems · Dec 04, 2024

Minion has been a bit sick while we’ve been gone (nothing serious, the vet thinks it’s just stress, and he’s doing better now) so @sharon@discuss.systems had to go pick up a prescription for him at the Safeway

Sharon: I’m here to pick up a prescription for Minion Zhang

pharmacist: date of birth?

Sharon: I’m not sure exactly… he’s a cat

pharmacist: ok. Has Minion picked up prescriptions here before?

Sharon: …no? because he’s a cat?

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Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

@dan@discuss.systems · Mar 16, 2024

Please congratulate @sharon@discuss.systems on becoming a Master of Science!

(In psychology, which means it involves actual people, which sounds complicated.)

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Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

@dan@discuss.systems · Feb 04, 2024

a room full of computer scientists: everyone’s research statement always starts by talking about how they’ve loved computers since they were born at a very young age
@sharon@discuss.systems: yeah, that doesn’t work in my field, people look at you suspiciously if you say “I’ve been interested in alcohol and alcohol addiction since I was 5 years old”

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Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

Dan Ports

@dan@discuss.systems

Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/

discuss.systems

@dan@discuss.systems · Jan 05, 2023

As a distributed systems researcher, I’d like to thank the House of Representatives for demonstrating that leader election protocols can’t be guaranteed to terminate.

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