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• Post #4337577

  Turns out binge re-watching Six Feet Under a week before my period wasn’t the way to go. 😿

• Post #4337576

  Oh, I’m sorry. Did you trip over my boundary and sprain your ankle? Go fuck yourself.

• Post #4337575

  I don’t need friends, I have U*! *undiscovered mental disorders that will *hopefully* be named after me

• Post #4337574

  Had a follow up on my lab results and my hormones are in the ideal range. “Everything is perfect and normal” (he doesn’t *know* me, clearly). Great. I guess this is just who I am, and now can’t make any medically backed excuses.

• Post #4337573

  Can’t wait to see what animal becomes an internet sensation next. First we had Lida Bida Boda Butt, now Jimothy. What’s next? A cat? An octopus? Only time will tell.

• Post #4337572

  Mean Girls is just The Craft rebranded with less candles and better writers. #isaidwhatisaid #factnotopinion

• Post #4306666

  My dog got too comfortable and disrespected cat’s personal space just once, and you know how long it took him to permanently learn about boundaries? About 3 seconds. No need for a reminder, no attempt to ever do it again. It’s that fucking simple.

• Post #4231884

  Remember when we thought The Matrix was science *fiction*? Fun times.

• Post #4082784

  I’m the coolest person I know, but what I don’t know is if I should take that as a compliment, or a criticism.

• Post #4007267

  Did we ever decide if a centaur’s dick is on the front or the back of the horse half? If anyone figures it out, lmk.

• Post #3894855

  When I was in 5th grade we had this teacher who would always “lose” her glasses, and they’d be on top of her head. I thought she was just doing it to be funny and make the kids laugh. HA. It took me years, but I finally realized, nope, that’s just life after 40. I “lost” my phone this morning and didn’t see it was sitting on the pillow next to me until after I spent 10 minutes looking for it, gave up, and then sat back down on the couch.

• Post #3689320

  Elon is the world’s richest person and yet he chooses to continue looking like *that*.

• Post #3475621

  Ask any of your friends which bothers them more… That you’re more attractive than them, funnier than them, or smarter than them, and see which one they furrow their brows at. Then just know, that’s the one.

• Post #3474004

  Fuck your complicated self-care routing. For years my grandmother had gossip, cigarettes, and coffee for breakfast. Then had fried chicken with a side of Wheel Of Fortune for dinner. And she lived to be 93. Keep it simple, y’all.

• Post #3433028

  It only took 12 years, but the other shoe just DROPPED. I’ve been guilting myself for weeks over a convo that probably ended a friendship, only to find out that they have been talking shit about me since at least 2014. Don’t be afraid to burn those bridges and use the remains to build something that will actually serve your needs. Cheers 🥂

• Post #2887536

  Happy Cinco de Cuatro for all of those who celebrate!

• Post #2887535

  Every woman out there needs to name 3 things she loves about her grandmother, and fucking meet that standard. 1) She spoke her truth 2) She knew how to bake a goddamn delicious cheesecake 3) She held strong to that grudge she had with Beth for 22 years

• Post #2887534

  It’s gonna take some time, but one day you’re going to wake up and realize that all of those “mean, bitter women” were just finally setting boundaries that forced others to take accountability. And turns out they were totally justified in their choice to be done with other people’s shit.

• Post #2887533

  You bring the milk. 🥛 I’ll bring the shake. 🫨

• Post #2887532

  🫱🏽Get dressed and go to a bar with friends 🫲🏽Stay home and watch SNL with my dog and eat left over Chinese food I think it’s easy to guess which option will win.

• Post #2887531

  Ah. Now it makes sense.

• Post #2887530

  Know how to put a guaranteed end to generational trauma? Don’t create another generation. Boom. Simple. Problem solved.

• Post #2887529

  MySpace had it right when they allowed you to choose your top 8. No secrets, and no misinterpreting. Just you declaring to the world which 8 humans you liked the best. It was a beautiful thing.

• Post #2887528

  Once again I’ve been asked to excuse myself from this Olive Garden, and to go wait in the car.

• Post #2887527

  The closer I get to menopause, the more bulletproof I feel. I didn’t expect that. To lose buckets of fucks daily. It almost makes the whole ordeal worth the trouble. I guess it’s literally having the weight of reproduction lifted off of me. I’m especially thankful to be coming into this era during a period when openly discussing it is encouraged.

• Post #2887526

  Looking for content ideas. If willing, please describe your worst first date.

• Post #2887525

  I finally reached the age and skin elasticity of someone who realized I gotta start taking this health shit seriously. Like quit smoking, quit drinking alcohol, quit everything that made life bearable just so I could be miserable for a short time longer.

• Post #983262

  You CANNOT support Trump and love your country. You’re gonna have to pick one. They absolutely can’t coexist.