Toby
tobestewart@mastodonapp.uk
<p>Somethng s mssng from your lfe</p>
Posts
-
Post #4501589
I suffer from accurate self-esteem
-
Post #4445956
Uber don’t have a policy on nudity! They will by Monday
-
Post #4347653
Despite the rising costs of living, more and more of us are doing it
-
Post #4347322
Sometimes, I go to bed worrying I won’t be able to think of anything stupid to post in the morning, but then I wake up and realise it’s all going to be ok
-
Post #4165831
Having no friends is very affordable
-
Post #4033906
Have you guys tried knitting? It tastes horrible
-
Post #4013362
Does anyone know the Greek for “cake”? I want to describe my sexuality scientifically
-
Post #3996569
Thank you all for your health suggestions (die), relationships advice (go fuck yourself), and open minded attitude to a balanced diet (eat a bag of dicks)
-
Post #3990867
Never. Confide. In. Your. Wife’s. Parrot
-
Post #3984083
Not only is failure an option, it’s easier than success
-
Post #3762489
We consciously perceive only 0.045% of the sensory information reaching our brains every second, filtering out useless stimuli, yet you just read this?
-
Post #3724604
She won’t wear her sexy new lingerie and I spent days knitting it
-
Post #3601322
My favourite book is the Bible because the same thing happened to me
-
Post #3601306
I love science, like most Aries
-
Post #3589610
Got up late and now have to wait six months to reset my sundial
-
Post #3589609
As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting
-
Post #3589608
I sometimes worry I’m a bad parent, but then I remember that paranoia is just a side-effect of drug abuse
-
Post #3589607
I stand-up whenever I see or hear Trump, so my booing is 13% louder
-
Post #3589606
The &quot;F” in &quot;OMFG&quot; is for &quot;Fictional&quot;
-
Post #3589605
Deeply troubled by the lack of Americans in the Bible! Sorry to bring this up again, but it&#39;s undermining my faith
-
Post #3589604
[*montage of my empty desk*]
-
Post #3589603
What would help is for some big accounts with clout, who can overcome the shame of their inferior writing, to repost me
-
Post #3589602
God: [*trying to close one door and open another but He’s got the whole world in His hands*]
-
Post #3589601
The Beatles: “All you need is love” Maslow: “No”
-
Post #3589600
My doctor says exercise would be a good idea and suggested running with scissors
-
Post #3589599
If there’s a hard way to do something, I’ll find it
-
Post #3589598
[halfway through composing my second post of the day] “This must be what Shakespeare felt like”
-
Post #3589597
Is a talking donkey better than a flying horse? I’m trying to choose a religion
-
Post #3575245
Huge Independence Day celebrations here in the UK as we now appreciate the benefits of certain colonies fucking right off
-
Post #3526379
I’ve decided to seize tomorrow