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  If you change the toilet paper roll, please put another one in the fridge :blobfoxthumbsup:

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  baby bell cheese but yogurt

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  God damnit I need to learn how to run Jenkins! :blobfoxangry:

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  Asking the interviewer if I can smoke in here as soon as they ask me a question.

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  I'm a glass houses half full kind of guy

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  Immediately opening my phone after the plan lands, turning off airplane mode, and telling ChatGPT that I landed safely.

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  Encoding my images as base32 by base64 encoding them and then lowercasing the output

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  Buying Baja Blast in cans is like being the first mother fucker on the block with a color tv

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  Health Secretary voice: Today we are announcing a plan to improve the efficiency of the American worker. We will be replacing the fluoride in the water with caffeine, adderall, modafinil, and cialis. This will top up our efficiency while we lower the prices of diesel. Make American Healthy Again!

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  Showing up to the spaghetti buffet and I'm like a camel for solids

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  My wife got shadow banned from the grocery store website (429 Too Many Requests)

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  New infinite money glitch just dropped. Rent a truck from Home Depot. Siphon all the gas out of the tank. Return it empty. Incur fee at only $6.50 per gallon 💰️

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  Found out what rancid sugar smells like today: feet?

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  Starting to refer to my lunch break as "smoking a big cigarette"

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  It's really funny that every embedded map on websites have a gesture to tell you to use 2 fingers instead of dragging the fucking map! Some motherfucker actually got promoted by telling users, "Not like that, dumbass!"