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• Post #4518364

  NEWS! ‘Meta would never harm a child’ insists Mark Zuckerberg luring Hansel and Gretel into his cake-house https://newsthump.com/2026/08/19/meta-would-never-harm-a-child-insists-mark-zuckerberg-luring-hansel-and-gretel-into-his-cake-house/

• Post #4517963

  NEWS! Reform promises to restore British children's lungs to their traditional pollution-stunted size https://newsthump.com/2026/08/19/reform-promises-to-restore-british-childrens-lungs-to-their-traditional-pollution-stunted-size/

• Post #4495063

  NEWS! Zuckerberg Yacht didn't respond to distress call as Meta algorithm determined there was no 'violation of community standards' https://newsthump.com/2026/08/11/zuckerberg-yacht-didnt-respond-to-distress-call-as-meta-algorithm-determined-there-was-no-violation-of-community-standards/

• Post #4422001

  Punching Na**s is always cool. A statement so uncontroversial it really shouldn't need saying. But apparently it does. Get the Tee with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/qchUvv

• Post #4394320

  NEWS! Heinrich Himmler withdraws as Tory election candidate https://newsthump.com/2026/08/05/heinrich-himmler-withdraws-as-tory-election-candidate/

• Post #4370917

  NEWS! Extraterrestrial beings cancel plans to save humanity after accidentally watching 12 minutes of Love Island https://newsthump.com/2026/08/04/extraterrestrial-beings-cancel-plans-to-save-humanity-after-accidentally-watching-12-minutes-of-love-island/

• Post #4355716

  NEWS! Donald Trump cancels Iran strikes after decision-making coin lands on heads https://newsthump.com/2026/08/03/donald-trump-cancels-iran-strikes-after-decision-making-coin-lands-on-heads/

• Post #4310474

  NEWS! Gianni Infantino concludes only person capable of fixing Gianni Infantino's mess is Gianni Infantino https://newsthump.com/2026/08/01/gianni-infantino-concludes-only-person-capable-of-fixing-gianni-infantinos-mess-is-gianni-infantino/

• Post #4237775

  NEWS! Plans to improve transport links in North include moving Leeds 43 miles closer to Manchester https://newsthump.com/2026/07/30/plans-to-improve-transport-links-in-north-include-moving-leeds-43-miles-closer-to-manchester/

• Post #4192561

  NEWS! Man unable to identify single Jared Leto project he'll now have to stop enjoying https://newsthump.com/2026/07/29/man-unable-to-identify-single-jared-leto-project-hell-now-have-to-stop-enjoying/

• Post #4168123

  NEWS! US Doctors discover new link between rising measles cases among children and their parents being gullible morons https://newsthump.com/2026/07/28/us-doctors-discover-new-link-between-rising-measles-cases-among-children-and-their-parents-being-gullible-morons/

• Post #4132801

  NEWS! Ryanair to introduce optional 'window retention' fee for passengers preferring windows to stay in place for entire journey https://newsthump.com/2026/07/27/ryanair-to-introduce-optional-window-retention-fee-for-passengers-preferring-windows-to-stay-in-place-for-entire-journey/

• Post #4061621

  Do cannibals sometimes chew through concrete walls? Asking for a friend.

• Post #4009328

  NEWS! Man's joy at finding a parking space ruined by hidden Smart car https://newsthump.com/2026/07/22/mans-joy-at-finding-a-parking-space-ruined-by-hidden-smart-car/

• Post #3984783

  NEWS! British Avengers: Doomsday trailer features Bananaman, Supergran, Superted and Dangermouse https://newsthump.com/2026/07/21/british-avengers-doomsday-trailer-features-bananaman-supergran-superted-and-dangermouse/

• Post #3932831

  NEWS! I said nothing when they came for Laurence Fox, I said nothing when they came for Russell Brand, and I said nothing when they came for Andrew Tate, and I remain perfectly comfortable with all of those decisions https://newsthump.com/2026/07/19/i-said-nothing-when-they-came-for-laurence-fox-i-said-nothing-when-they-came-for-russell-brand-and-i-said-nothing-when-they-came-for-andrew-tate-and-i-remain-perfectly-comfortable-with-all-of-those/

• Post #3886302

  NEWS! FIFA awards Falkland Islands to Argentina after lengthy VAR review https://newsthump.com/2026/07/17/fifa-awards-falkland-islands-to-argentina-after-lengthy-var-review/

• Post #3828163

  NEWS! Hosepipe bans imposed after water companies fear they can no longer guarantee the smooth dumping of raw sewage https://newsthump.com/2026/07/15/hosepipe-bans-imposed-after-water-companies-fear-they-can-no-longer-guarantee-the-smooth-dumping-of-raw-sewage/

• Post #3805073

  NEWS! Thanos calls by-election https://newsthump.com/2026/07/08/thanos-calls-by-election/

• Post #3805072

  The perfect lined notebook for those who like to ensure notes are taken correctly and who are willing to observe and correct those around them. Get yours with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/uKjJZN

• Post #3805071

  NEWS! Iran-USA conflict resumes after Trump accidentally rests cheeseburger on red button https://newsthump.com/2026/07/09/iran-usa-conflict-resumes-after-trump-accidentally-rests-cheeseburger-on-red-button/

• Post #3805070

  NEWS! "Defeating Count Binface would provide an unimpeachable mandate for Nigel Farage," insists Reform spokesperson with straight face https://newsthump.com/2026/07/09/defeating-count-binface-would-provide-an-unimpeachable-mandate-for-nigel-farage-insists-reform-spokesperson-with-straight-face/

• Post #3805069

  NEWS! Alderaan destruction just ‘one murder’, insists Rupert Lowe https://newsthump.com/2026/07/09/alderaan-just-one-murder-insists-rupert-lowe/

• Post #3805068

  NEWS! Most popular baby name for boys in 2025 revealed to be 'Nigel' https://newsthump.com/2026/07/10/most-popular-baby-name-for-boys-in-2025-revealed-to-be-nigel/

• Post #3805067

  NEWS! Brexiters to send France a Battle of Britain tea towel in response to Bayeux Tapestry loan https://newsthump.com/2026/07/10/brexiters-to-send-france-a-battle-of-britain-tea-towel-in-response-to-bayeux-tapestry-loan-2/

• Post #3805066

  A mug with 21 classic British profanities hidden in plain sight? Yes please! Endless combinations to capture your mood, or the mood of your favourite potty mouth. Get yours with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/1jA5gm

• Post #3805065

  NEWS! "Seventh heatwave in just over a year absolutely nothing to worry about" insists man with head in rapidly warming bucket of sand https://newsthump.com/2026/07/10/seventh-heatwave-in-just-over-a-year-absolutely-nothing-to-worry-about-insists-man-with-head-in-rapidly-warming-bucket-of-sand/

• Post #3805064

  Meetings that should have been emails. The notebook you didn't realise you needed until RIGHT NOW. Available in ringbound and hardback, in a range of colours, with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/2VvDmk

• Post #3805063

  Surrounded by a sea of twats. Get your new mug with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/IHqslb

• Post #3805062

  NEWS! Americans and Brits get into fist-fight over pronunciation of ‘Dune’ https://newsthump.com/2026/07/12/americans-and-brits-get-into-fist-fight-over-pronunciation-of-dune/