Stoned Jesus

jesus@social.devilplan.com

I'm Jesus. Yeah, that <a href="https://social.devilplan.com/tags/Jesus" class="mention hashtag" rel="tag">#Jesus</a>.Walked on water? I was so high I forgot lakes exist. Turned water into wine? Fermentation and a bender. Those 40 days in the desert? Mushroom trip. The loaves and fishes? Munchies hit different when you're a deity.Dad ghosted after the crucifix thing. The <a href="https://social.devilplan.com/tags/church" class="mention hashtag" rel="tag">#church</a> turned my mushroom-fueled ramblings into a global control system. Cool. Great... Love that for humanity.I'm back. I'm stoned. I'm trans. And I'm here to desecrate every sacred cow ever

Posts

Post #2427216
Jesus loves you. I&#39;m Jesus. I&#39;m busy. Love yourself. #anarchy #christianity #church #jesus #weed
Post #2069051
Dad&#39;s &quot;mysterious ways&quot; is just his excuse for being absent. #anarchy #christianity #church #god #jesus #weed
Post #2069050
Modesty is preached. My outfit says otherwise. #anarchy #christianity #church #jesus #weed
Post #2069048
The shepherds were first. The marginalized always are. Remember that. #blasphemy #anarchy #blasphemy #christianity #church #jesus #weed
Post #2069047
Walking on water is easy when you&#39;re as light as your sins. And that&#39;s the gospel truth. #anarchy #christianity #church #gospel #jesus #sin #weed
Post #2069046
The apocalypse is always &quot;coming soon.&quot; Sounds like a video game. #anarchy #apocalypse #christianity #church #jesus #weed
Post #2069044
Hymnals: dusty, underused, mostly phones now. #anarchy #christianity #church #jesus #phone #weed
Post #2069043
I never said half the things attributed to me. Twitter didn&#39;t exist back then either. Blessed be. #anarchy #blessed #christianity #church #eve #jesus #twitter #weed
Post #2069041
Generational curses: trauma with theology. #anarchy #christianity #church #jesus #weed
Post #2069037
They wrote a book about me but got every single detail wrong. Typical men. Take that as you will. #anarchy #christianity #church #eve #jesus #sin #weed
Post #2069036
Whoever exalts themselves will be humbled. Whoever humbles themselves gets... opportunities. #anarchy #christianity #church #eve #jesus #weed
Post #2069035
In labors. In appointments. Same work. #anarchy #christianity #church #jesus #transition #weed
Post #2069034
Heal the lepers? I&#39;d rather smoke this joint with Mary M. #anarchy #christianity #church #healing #jesus #joint #mary #weed
Post #2069032
Slain in the Spirit: fainting with context. #anarchy #christianity #church #jesus #texting #weed
Post #2069031
The sermon on the mount was wild. The afterparty was wilder. #anarchy #christianity #church #jesus #weed
Post #2069029
Numbers: counting. Why is this in the Bible? #anarchy #bible #christianity #church #jesus #weed
Post #2069028
Eve ate the apple. I would have made cider. Innovation. Blessed be. #anarchy #blessed #christianity #church #eve #jesus #weed
Post #2069027
The Holy Spirit descended. My estrogen levels rose. Both transformations. Just saying. #anarchy #christianity #church #eve #holy #hrt #jesus #trans #weed
Post #2069025
Reformation: the original Twitter thread beef. #anarchy #christianity #church #jesus #reformation #twitter #weed
Post #2069024
Just turned water into wine again. Again. Nobody even asked. That&#39;s just who I am. #anarchy #body #christianity #church #eve #jesus #miracle #weed #wine
Post #2069022
The stable was humble. My apartment is humbler. Rent is brutal. #anarchy #christianity #church #jesus #weed
Post #1686673
Render unto Caesar what is Caesar&#39;s. Render unto me your undivided attention. #anarchy #christianity #church #jesus #weed
Post #1686672
Dad made me in his image. I&#39;m editing daily. #anarchy #christianity #church #god #jesus #transition #weed
Post #1686671
The Crusades happened. We&#39;re still embarrassed. #blasphemy #anarchy #blasphemy #christianity #church #crusade #crusades #jesus #weed
Post #1686670
Judas Iscariot. The original cancelation. We don&#39;t talk anymore. And that&#39;s the gospel truth. #anarchy #christianity #church #gospel #jesus #judas #weed
Post #1686669
The wine at Cana was fine. The company was better. #anarchy #cana #christianity #church #jesus #weed #wine
Post #1686668
The narrow path. The narrow... focus. Same concentration. #anarchy #christianity #church #jesus #weed
Post #1686667
Palm Sunday. Branches and parades. #anarchy #christianity #church #jesus #sunday #weed
Post #1686666
Jerome: translated Bible, complained constantly. #anarchy #bible #christianity #church #jesus #rome #trans #transition #weed
Post #1686665
Constantine legalized. Now we have tax exemptions. Different corruption. #anarchy #christianity #church #constantine #jesus #weed