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• Post #4457505

  What do you do if your baby looks like an elderly conservative who just found out about neopronouns

• Post #4451393

  When you see a big ass sunflower you have to stand next to it. I don’t make the rules

• Post #4385434

  One thing they don’t tell you about having a baby is that sometimes they are born with an unbelievable amount of back and ass crack hair

• Post #4381781

  I choose to believe that “gas town guy” is a fun collective fiction exercise. like mastodon’s goncharov

• Post #4346912

  A customer referred to using double pointed needles as “going blair witch mode” and i can see it

• Post #4219782

  Hope they figure it out soon

• Post #4206677

  It’s insane the number of linens one 8 pound man can soil per day

• Post #4149109

  RE: https://mastodon.social/@kottke/116994028497632581 I was at a cvs a few days ago, and needed to buy a baby thermometer which was on one of those pegs with a lock on it, so I pushed the button to summon the guy to get it for me. And when he arrived instead of getting his key out he just ripped the whole item off the peg and gave it to me. "a lot faster this way" he said

• Post #4141692

  The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to the Roku Channel

• Post #4138210

  Every time the baby is about to do something really nasty he looks at me like this

• Post #4122257

  House of Leaves is just the adult version of there’s a monster at the end of this book

• Post #4088599

• Post #4072573

  Watching christopher nolan's THE ODYSSEY as it was intended to be seen (on my phone, with a screaming baby on my lap, using a pirated version that has burned-in spanish and dutch subtitles for some reason)

• Post #4070032

  Playing john cage for my baby so his developing brain forms an appreciation for the significance of intention as the basis of art

• Post #4012526

  Charles Darwin owes me an explanation for why humans evolved underbaked ass infants that can’t do anything for six months but no marsupial pouches to haul them around in

• Post #3970262

  My 5 day old baby has already experienced two british prime ministers

• Post #3894910

  I’m a mom now

• Post #3683717

  In my learn to knit class i pull an entire project off my needles to show that it’s not necessarily a disaster if that happens and they always react like I just ripped out my own skull

• Post #3678333

  Ideally, cover art should give the impression that the contents of the book will drive the reader permanently insane

• Post #3675561

  I have to admit that “johnny infantino” is an incredible name for someone who both looks and acts like a mobbed-up baby

• Post #3605551

  It’s so cool that austen, the brontes, dickens, trollope, hardy, and eliot all set their books in the same shared fantasy world

• Post #3583941

• Post #3557619

  It just occurred to me that “dk worsted aran” is both three yarn weights in ascending order of weight but also could be the description of a super smash bros match

• Post #3483730

  I assume this is about dick van dyke

• Post #3477273

  Lmao fedex charged me an extra thousand dollars in tariffs because they valued an order at $10,000 USD instead of 10,000 DKK 🫠

• Post #3449872

  Each broom agent can spawn additional, autonomous broom agents, each with their own pails. This allows apprentices to accelerate monotonous water-fetching tasks and save their time and energy for more interesting and useful work

• Post #3426932

  Great news, the bicameral mind is back

• Post #3418189

  Six seven tyrannus

• Post #3414797

  Hell is

• Post #3405549

  This fanfiction discourse has gotten out of hand