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  bart simpson on the fediverse: mastodon’t have a cow man

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  i’m a big supporter of crastination. very procrastination

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  spiderman defeating the bad guy by sneaking into the compound and laying millions of eggs

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  i love thinking of jokes and then finding out someone else did it 87 years ago in an AOL chatroom

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  disillusioned is when you do a magic trick during a rap battle

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  studying for my eye exam like a good pupil

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  if MS Paint gets married she should keep her last name

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  they should invent a recliner that catapults you into bed when you fall asleep

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  that’s not very right about now of you, funk soul brother

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  kicked out of a wedding just because my pocket square was a slice of cheese

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  (throwing the mac and cheese into the trash) this is a linux and cheese household

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  tgif is short for thursday graphics interchange format. not many people know this

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  bad news. penne pasta is now called nickel pasta

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  the porn parody is called Project Rail Mary

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  method shitposting (being unhinged IRL too)

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  welcome home ants how was your winter break

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  are you telling me this scallion can rap

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  gatorade, now with real alligator juice

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  anyway, here’s stairway to wonderwall

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  on a road trip frantically eating Froot Loops before i get to the agricultural inspection

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  your powers of seduction are no match for my obliviousness

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  passwords should be like “that’s close enough”

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  is…is this a threat

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  i would like to go big and go home