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• Post #4241181

  When I'm at my mum's house, we say which size coffee we want by referring to the animal on the cup. "Do you want fish, crab or bunny?"

• Post #4241180

  Saw three of these fuckers flying east. They just came back, presumably going back to base in Oxfordshire. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boeing_Chinook_(UK_variants)

• Post #4241179

  There's a French bulldog I see being walked. It has similar colours and markings to a Siamese cat, so I keep mistaking it for a big chunky cat on a lead.

• Post #4241178

  Is there a service that's like a cleaner but they make you clean alongside them and teach you how to do it right? I think I need that. My mum hated being made to do chores as a kid, so she vowed that her own children would never have to. That was a kind sentiment, but it did me a disservice because I grew up in a house that apparently kept itself clean with no effort on my part, so I'm so unprepared for how much constant effort it is to keep a home clean.

• Post #4241177

  For years, I was put off from joining the Green Party because of their anti-nuclear power stance. Nuclear power is cool and good, and the UK is right in the middle of a tectonic plate, so no earthquakes, innit. But wind and solar are improving so much, we probably don't need to bother chasing nuclear any more. Now I just don't want to join the Greens because they seem a bit unhinged and unready for power.

• Post #4241176

  It is hilarious to me that 'nuclear power' is just a steam engine. As a kid I thought we were somehow magically harvesting the atomic energy. But nah, it's just water get hot, turbine go brrr.

• Post #4050702

  In character design, what's the significance of an elastoplast over the bridge of the nose? Is it meant to show that the character is a skater? I see it a lot in designs but I've never seen anyone with a bandaged nose in real life.

• Post #4045947

  How would you know if you were allergic to pineapple? Pineapple already makes your mouth tingle even if you're not allergic.

• Post #4019635

  Vexed at CSS. I want something to span 100% of the screen width. If I use "width: 100%;" it falls short. (Why? God knows.) If I use "width: 100vw;" it works but adds a horizontal scrollbar, because vw doesn't take the user's vertical scrollbar into account! https://dev.to/tepythai/why-100vw-causes-horizontal-scrollbar-4nlm So I have to decide which style crime to commit! Funnily enough, this doesn't happen on mobile browsers. I think it's because they have...

• Post #3998437

  Did a mango-sized* pile of sloppy logs that stuck to the bottom of the bowl and would not be moved by the flush. Had to wrap my hand in bog roll and nudge it to unstick it. * The fruit, not Mango the cat.

• Post #3971732

  Goblin blogger 1: Your blog has a lot of link rot. I mean this in a complimentary way, because we are goblins. Goblin blogger 2: I know, I am also a goblin.

• Post #3893251

  Can't see the haters because I've got cum on my glasses

• Post #3889983

  It's kind of amazing to me when people talk about reading fanfics while not having read/watched/played the source material. The appeal of fanfics as opposed to original fiction is that the author doesn't need to explain who and what everything is, because the audience already knows. As a result, I find that fanfic of works I don't know tends to be pretty incomprehensible! "Captain Cutlery rotated the turgles in the skoonspruit." I dunno what they're doing or why!

• Post #3832773

  Most of us would have an "Are we the baddies?" moment if we found ourselves trying to bankrupt Amnesty International.

• Post #3795236

  Did a big fat dump that smells of mushy peas.

• Post #3749176

  I don't normally like fake meat, because if I wanted the meat taste I would just eat actual meat, and I think veg dishes should stand on their own merits instead of having to pretend it's something it's not. I adore cauliflower but fuck off with pretending it's barbecued meat. Make a nice aloo gobi! That said, I've developed a taste for Sainsbury's Plant Pioneers VLT because sometimes I want to eat something that tastes processed as fuck, and it is.

• Post #3568390

  https://tech.yahoo.com/ai/articles/top-ai-researchers-terrified-chernobyl-195006889.html '"One thing that almost everyone in AI can agree on right now is that AI doesn't need a Chernobyl moment," he added.' What a stunningly useless thing to say. (Also, 'almost' everyone?)

• Post #3546022

  I never got the advice 'make a big task easier by breaking it into smaller tasks.' Okay, now I have fifty fuckin tasks. How does that help?

• Post #3501905

  If I want a hairdresser to dye my hair an unnatural colour, do I buy the dye myself and bring it in, or ask the hairdresser to order it in? I assume they don't keep every single colour on hand!

• Post #3499662

  Christ. My password with my mortgage provider cannot (that's cannot) have special characters. Letters and numbers only. What kind of raggedy-ass database?

• Post #3480728

  Discovered something weird about the scanners at work. They're the type that lets you either put a stack of paper in a hopper, or scan a single sheet on the platen glass. I've discovered that if you put something on the glass and put a document in the hopper, it scans both! For example, if you put a pink A5 paper on the glass, and a white sheet of A4 in the the hopper, you'll get a scan of the A4 document with a pink bit obscuring it. Mad. Why does it work that way?

• Post #3480691

  Why do medical practitioners say 'sharp scratch' when they're about to use a needle on you? It's not a scratch. It's a poke.

• Post #3437337

  @guffo@topspicy.social I think you will appreciate this. https://www.reddit.com/r/NominativeDeterminism/comments/1tl6959/richard_wanken_lubricant_sales/

• Post #2320090

  I wish all Reform voters a very die and explode and explode and die. Go pull flags out your urethra.

• Post #2320089

  Bad fuckin day to wear black trousers.

• Post #2320088

  Years ago a family friend gave me a bracelet with meteorite pieces on it. The first (and only) time I wore it, one of the meteorite pieces broke off somewhere outside, and I never found it. (I'd like to think a magpie took it.) Last week I took the bracelet to a jeweller to get it made into a necklace and to redistribute the pieces so there wasn't a gap. I went to pick it up today and it was missing another piece! They're going to chase the workshop for me. I'll...

• Post #2320087

  "Do you want to get soggy and sit near a bunch of strangers and eat crisps in your vestanpance?" Not really. "Do you want to go to the beach?" Yeah!

• Post #2107963

  Vegetarian vulture: What's for dinner? Mama vulture: Carrion, my wayward son. Vegetarian vulture: I want vegetables. Mama vulture: There'll be peas when you are done.

• Post #2100801

  There's a trend in TV adverts for the phrases "Who said X can't be Y?" and "Who said P had to be Q?" There's a toot bot idea for you. "Who said [noun or verb] [can't/had to be] [adjective]"

• Post #2100800

  Forced to work, born to crank my hog and watch Skibidi Toilet