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  Can’t go to sleep until I think of a foolproof solution to all current problems

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  Dreams: Are they real? Scientists are terrified. "This could be a dream RIGHT NOW!" one researcher screamed

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  That which doesn't kill you makes you extremely tired and somewhat grumpy

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  Angry about the things I can’t change, nervous about the things I can

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  It’s nice to feel good for like 5 minutes and briefly forget how everything is fucked

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  Realized I hate stuff that sucks. Huge epiphany for me

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  I’m not doing my best, but I’m trying my okayest

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  I have never had a plan. I just show up at different places, chewing on a hunk of bread

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  *gets a small splinter* So this is how I die

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  It’s so lonely being the only human being who has ever experienced loneliness

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  I’m just trying to have a chill time and eat a nutritious variety of vegetables

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  Sometimes I let myself feel optimistic for 3 to 5 minutes, as a little treat

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  Getting upset all the time is bad for you, which is also upsetting

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  Sorry I never replied to your text. I just didn’t want to

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  Perhaps it is bad for our mental health to live in a world that makes us feel crazy every day

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  I hate it when people in a movie get into trouble. Can’t they just have fun up there

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  Trying to stay upbeat and positive about all the unchecked villainy and madness

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  Listen to your body? Nah. My body is an idiot who cries for snacks

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  I’m just trying to think positive thoughts while never forgetting those who have wronged me

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  I hope my bones are having a nice time in there

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  Humans are so cute with our little hopes and dreams

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  Live like a cat. Hiss at strangers. Eat your own hair. Be free

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  My favorite way to relax is to lie down for bed and suddenly rethink my entire life

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  In a recent study, scientists found we are all flawed, mortal beings capable of cruelty as well as kindness. Said one scientist, "Damn, bro”

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  I don’t struggle with my demons. We just hang out and have a nice time together

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  Been thinking about my life, and I recommend not doing that

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  Tomorrow is another day, even though we just had one of those. Nobody asked for this

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  HOTEL CALIFORNIA CLERK: You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave ME: That’s weird as hell and I’m leaving

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  I love to stay up late and have fun even though it’s not fun and I don’t love it

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  Yes, I would like a taste of my own medicine. That is why I take the medicine