← Feed

Posts

• Post #1270115

  Happy Slayyyter day to all those who participate.

• Post #1270114

  Don't put off until tomorrow that which can be done hastily and shoved under the bed.

• Post #1270112

  The signage at the sawmill had gotten more vivacious ever since Maurice took over the safety standards department... "Remember remember, you can get dismembered."

• Post #1270111

  I have no grapes and I must jelly.

• Post #1270110

  Surely next week I’ll finally catch up on all the everything I’ve been trying to catch up on since 2015. 100%. Yes. Yea. 😬 It’s Easter?!

• Post #1270109

  Moon cake? Is there moon cake yet?!

• Post #1270108

  Remake of "My Dinner with Andre" in 2026 but it's just two people staring into the middle distance in a 7-11 parking lot at 3am.

• Post #1270107

  Fudge the whole thing! Fudge it! This has been a promotional toot brought to you by the Fudge™ council.

• Post #1270106

  Maybe every day should be Earth day?

• Post #1270105

  Forgetting why you walked into a room is so passé. You should start by forgetting why you’re in someone else’s apartment. If nothing else it’ll help your lawyer later on. (This toot is for entertainment purposes only.)

• Post #1270104

  There’s gotta be a cure for constant relentless bullcrap induced ennui that isn’t opium! Gahhhh! I’m gonna run outta opium!!!

• Post #1048623

  Sometimes the soup is too soup-y.

• Post #956596

  Welcome to the post-chocolate zone! Have you made the sensible choice? Probably not, that's why you're in the post-chocolate zone, idiot.

• Post #902571

  You can put the lime into the coconut but you can't shake 'em both up. Not in your condition. You'll have to just seal it well, and then drop it on the floor a few times. Do you have any rum?

• Post #815424

  @LoganFive@beige.party You don’t “go” viral. We’re all a little viral here. 🤪

• Post #792088

  @macstories@mastodon.macstories.net 🫡 🎺

• Post #627062

  "We now return you to three hours of taco eating."

• Post #627051

  Some of these have to be from that cartoon we were almost gonna do that one time. This is too much evidence.... "Doctor Ham Hands"

• Post #605598

  Get fudged! verb 1. To go and get yourself a hot fudge sundae chum. You've earned it!

• Post #574137

  Like most things it’s looking like manually editing a txt or html or markdown file is probably just the easiest/best thing to use for a thing. Same as it ever was. 🤪

• Post #514633

  I simply must cancel my subscription for getting punched in the sternum once a month. 🎩 🧐

• Post #494107

  The ginger ale hit different when your head's about to explode. Woooooo!

• Post #493887

  "Eat shit!", I wailed in desperate pleading joy to everyone as they gathered around for the feast at the daily Shit Eating Festival.

• Post #456143

  Our art is gonna have to get ever weirder and quirkier folks! 200% weirder? Hell no! 6 bajillion % weirder!!!!!!!

• Post #444994

  Does this count as knowing when to fold ‘em? Or is this knowing when you’re sick of trying to fold ‘em? I don’t know how poker works. #Notebook

• Post #438815

  “How much jam is too much jam?”, I ask, as I slowly sink into the jam.

• Post #425681

  Is running out of dishwasher detergent the ultimate modern day example of being between a rock and a hard place? Because now the question becomes; do I wash the dishes by hand (bad) OR do I go to the store to get more dishwasher vitamins to satiate the dishwasher demon so the dishwasher can (outside)? More black coffee and liquor will present the solution. Surely we're not out of those als- FUCK!

• Post #420849

  Who needs a funky puppet related pick-me-up? https://link.infini.fr/u-7VVEq5 #AesopRock

• Post #414709

  @Edmonds_Scanner@universeodon.com So I’m doubly dead inside?

• Post #411898

  Barging into rooms, proudly declaring “And I as well!”, until someone gives me a trinket.