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• Post #4495229

  Sorry I called your chickens egg-ass motherfuckers

• Post #4431772

  Yeah, get out there, touch grass, talk to strangers about piss and Linux

• Post #4395079

  Carefully building up my post history here as evidence for my defence when I eventually commit a crime that involves being really funny.

• Post #4394744

  So you make these AI things work by repeatedly giving them prompts? They’re like a floundering improv group?

• Post #4383869

  Wacky radiographer requests ‘a silly one’

• Post #4344963

  Your four-digit reactivation code will be communicated to you obliquely in a dream

• Post #4183216

  Music is such a laughing, crying, head-wrecking kind of time, it’s amazing you can get it legally, really.

• Post #4177489

  Think for myself? In this Singularity?

• Post #4018664

  Two yucks don’t make a yum. But they do make a yuck yuck, so that’s something.

• Post #3941385

  The tea-room crowd freezes in a taut, watchful silence. A waiter darts their eyes toward the louvered doors that promise the relative safety of the kitchen. My gran rests one hand on the counter, the fingers of the other twitching slightly near the bag at her hip. “I said” she states carefully “Put. Your. Purse. Away”

• Post #3883823

  “So, the poster says ‘Wanted: Dead or Alive’…” Sheriff: “Mr. Schrödinger, you’ve been warned before! Get the hell out of my office!”

• Post #3792932

  I just flew back from a horse kick and boy are my ribs broken

• Post #3692536

  Farage and Entourage Face Barrage from Garbage Storage Visage

• Post #3601324

  Choosing to interpret “Have a blessed day!” as “I hope you sneeze for hours and hours, you massive shit”

• Post #3539620

  “I’ve got a good idea” I said, improbably.

• Post #3518926

  Wapoirot twirling his moustache and threatening to imprison you in the little grey cells.

• Post #3517853

  I am the withered form in the attic that keeps my profile picture from ageing

• Post #3503535

  Now taking pre-boosts for my post launching in November.

• Post #3475814

  But my AI glasses come with a handy app that filters out dire portents!

• Post #3152056

  So, in the end, the pot never boiled, but my god it was compelling viewing.

• Post #2399678

  Keeping the Mastodon Security Team off my back by only ever doing the usual bad posts

• Post #2358856

  Sick of jokers exploiting my innocence. If someone’s knocked I want to know who’s fucking there!!

• Post #2355717

  My signature style is Recently-released Hostage Chic

• Post #2355711

  No, YOU just had to strain your coffee through a sieve because you dropped a Biscoff in it. You clown.

• Post #2238771

  Learning R2D2 language just to find out he’s bleeping on about goblins and raccoons

• Post #2083945

  I might start frying air too, just to feel something

• Post #2041193

  Sorry I rap-battled your Dad to death 🤷‍♂️

• Post #1893419

  Richard Dawkins, with seductive eyebrow waggle: “So you speak AND spell?”

• Post #1869707

  Tonight we sue the moon!

• Post #1474067

  NOT funny! Dogs only say “Ruh-roh!” when they’re extremely distressed