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• Post #1514672

  I love the way the Earth rotates. It really makes my day. (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #DadJoke #DadJokes #EarthDay #WorldEarthDay

• Post #1514065

  Fun Fact: Mars is the only planet known to be inhabited solely by robots. #HappyEarthDay ! (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #DadJoke #DadJokes #EarthDay #WorldEarthDay #UnearthedComics #SaraZimmerman

• Post #1154575

  Do not! Just... Don't. (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #DadJoke #Trees #Arbory #ArborDay #Tree #Signs #Sign #SignFail #Signage

• Post #1154513

  Bonus #Joke Two Mafia hit-men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night. One of them says, "I gotta admit, I'm scared out here." The other replies, "You're scared? I gotta walk back alone!" (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #DadJoke #DadJokes #Trees #Arbory #ArborDay #Tree #Beer #Springtime #Spring #Seasons

• Post #1016966

  Bonus #TrekJokes Q: How many #Klingons does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. Klingons do not fear the dark. Q: How many #Ferengi does it take to change a light bulb? A: It depends how much Latinum you are willing to pay. Q: How many #Starfleet officers does it take to change a light bulb? A: It depends if it would violate the Prime Directive. Q: How many #Cardassians does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They just try to convince you that there are five lights. (It's...

• Post #930983

  Bonus #DadJoke Q: What do you call 10 rabbits marching backwards? A: A receding hare-line. (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #Easter #EasterSunday #EasterBunny #EasterJokes #EasterCandy #Peeps #DadJokes #DadPuns #Rabbits

• Post #930982

  Bonus #DadJoke Q: How do you know where the Easter Bunny hides his treasure? A: Eggs marks the spot. (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #Easter #EasterSunday #EasterBunny #EasterJokes #EasterCandy #Peeps #DadJokes #DadPuns #BabyChicks

• Post #930981

  Bonus #DadJoke Q: What kind of music does the Easter Bunny listen to? A: Hip Hop! (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #Easter #EasterSunday #EasterBunny #EasterJokes #EasterGrass #EasterBasket

• Post #893263

  I hope this gives you a much-kneaded laugh today. (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #Pillsbury #PillsburyDoughBoy #BreadPuns #DadPuns #Playdoh

• Post #874152

  Bonus #Jokes for #Passover Q: What army base is off limits on Passover? A: Fort Leavenworth Q: Did you hear about the gefilte fish that went deaf? A: He had to buy a herring-aid. Q: How does Moses make beer? A: Hebrews it! (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #ThePassover #Easter #EasterSunday #PillsburyDoughboy #HeIsRisen #Religion #DadJokes #DadJoke

• Post #873829

  🤔 If my milk expires on April 1st, does that mean it hasn't really expired? (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #AprilFools #AprilFoolsDay #CatsOfMastodon #Cats #Catstodon #CatsOfTheFediverse #Pouncing

• Post #792094

  Okay. But we still need to overturn #CitizensUnited and take away the ABILITY for billionaires to donate large amounts in the first place. That needs to be the primary goal. And I don't think most politicians-- in either party, including #EstablishmentDemocrats -- will ever be willing to do so. Backing politicians because they push back a bit against #IncomeDisparity is fine; but by itself, it is merely a small temporary victory, and is doomed to be a neverending uphill battle. #Overtur...

• Post #739349

  #HappyEaster! BONUS JOKE: A man was leaving a bar when he was stopped by a nun. She began lecturing him about the evils of alcohol and how if he didn't change his ways, he would eventually end up in Hell. The man asked her, "Have you ever even had a drink in your life?" To which the nun informed him that no, she had not. The man offered to buy the nun some whiskey so she could know what it was she was preaching against. The nun said, "I couldn't poss...

• Post #717696

  Bonus #DadJokes Q: What do you call a knight who’s afraid to fight? A: Sir Render! Q: Why did the knight bring a pen to battle? A: Because the pen is mightier than the sword. (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #DadJoke #QueenElizabeth #Royalty #BritishRoyalty #RoyalFamily #Chess #Bishops #Knights #Knighthood #Royals

• Post #694351

  Bonus #Joke Q: What do you call a fake blarney stone? A: A sham-rock. (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #DadJokes #StPatricksDay #StPaddysDay #StPatricksDayMemes #Cemetery #Gravestone #MileMarker #Ireland #BlarneyStone #Shamrocks

• Post #654382

  Hope it's not too late for this #PiDay post... Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? A: Pumpkin Pi. #HappyPiDay #Happy_Pi_Day #Pi #Comics #MathJoke #MathJokes #FunnyMemes #DadJokes #Humor #Mathematics #PumpkinPie

• Post #625094

  What with #Tornadoes coming through my home state of #Illinois today, I thought this would be a good time to explain the difference between the phrases #TornadoWatch and #TornadoWarning ... WATCH: Conditions are right to make a tornado. Stay alert, and don't sleep naked. WARNING: A tornado has been sighted near you. Get your a$$ in the basement! (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #H...

• Post #537701

  Despite having been mocked out of the theatres immediately after its release, I am still seeing a few reviews pop up in my social media feed for the #MelaniaMovie . (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #Melania #MelaniaTrump #FilmReviews #FilmCritics #MovieReviews #Lincoln #AbrahamLincoln

• Post #537700

  I tried to say, "I'm a functional adult," but my phone changed it to "fictional adult," and I feel like that's more accurate. (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #DadJokes #Autocorrect #Costumes #TundraComics #ChadCarpenter #Horses

• Post #537698

  I'll just leave this here and let the chips fall where they may... (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #DadJokes #HersheyKisses #Chocolate #ChocolateChips #HersheysKisses #NateFakes #NateFakesComics

• Post #512580

  My favorite #GordonRamsey quote is, "This chicken is so raw that a skilled vet could still save it." (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #DadJokes #GordonRamsey #Cooking #Restaurants #CookingShows #RealityTV #Iran #IranWar #Petroleum #Iran #IranWar #MiddleEast

• Post #501158

  @adamparkhomenko.bsky.social Brilliant! Hilarious and spot-on accurate. And btw, I am officially "I know that theme song" years old.😉 #WhoShotJR

• Post #421711

  Hilarious incompetence by a Republican candidate for #Congress in my local #elections ... #CharlieKim , one of four GOP candidates running for #Illinois District 11, had to remove a FAKE #AI video endorsement from "Donald Trump" off his campaign website this week. Kim blamed his staff for posting it. The video showed "Trump" standing in front of a portrait of Kim, saying that Kim would be "incredible" for Illinois. But a local newspaper was able to easily and qu...

• Post #399678

  One low-budget hockey team refused to spend a lot of money on equipment. They were cheap skates. (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #DadJokes #OlympicGames #Olympics #WinterOlympics #IceHockey #MensHockey #Hockey #WomensHockey #TeamUSA #Oreos #OreoCookies

• Post #399180

  Bonus #DadJoke Q: What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? A: An abdominal snowman. (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #DadJokes #ColdWeather #Snowstorm #BombCyclone #Weather #Stormfront #Snowman #Snowmen #FunnySnowmen #NYC #EastCoastBlizzard #Blizzard

• Post #325318

  Bonus #Joke A hungry traveler stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchen where a brother is frying chips. "Are you the friar?" he asks. The brother replies, "No, I'm the chip monk." (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #JokeOfTheDay #CatholicHumor #Fasting #FatTuesday #MardiGras #Mardi_Gras #Monks #Friars #DadJoke #ScottHillburn

• Post #322652

  Bonus #DadJoke I was once fired from a job at a calendar factory, because I had taken a day off. (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #JokeOfTheDay #CaptainAmerica #MCU #CaptainAmericaTheWinterSoldier #ChrisEvans #MaximilianoHernandez #AvengersEndgame

• Post #322609

  He really went hog wild with that tattoo. (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #DadPuns #Pigs #Tattoos #Tattoo #PigsOfMastodon #Pigstodon #PiggyBank #BizarroComics #DanPiraro #Wayno #PigsOfTheFediverse

• Post #321951

  Bonus #MardiGras #Jokes Q: What do you call gumbo that doesn't turn out quite right? A: Meaty okra. Q: Why should you always order a burger in the oldest neighborhood in New Orleans? A: Because they serve the best French Quarter pounders. (It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.) #Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #Puns #JokeOfTheDay #CatholicHumor #Fasting #FatTuesday #AshWednesday #Priests #Confessional...

• Post #221500

  #Xitter posts are called "tweets." #Mastodon posts are called "toots." It is only logical that #TrumpSocial posts should be called "twats."