@AzulCrescent In the interest of crossing streams, perhaps the two part series of @girlonthenet's "I want to be loved" can help. https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/i-want-to-be-loved/ (part 1, about wrestling with the vulnerability that comes from admitting you might want someone to love you) and https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/but-not-at-any-cost/ (part 2, about how finding people who are good means both looking for the specifics of someone and standing up for yourself when a partner is a boundary-violator or otherwise worse than being without.)