Post #887948

On this #TransDayOfVisibility Im taking a moment, represented by this post, to remind myself (and anyone else who sees this) that, as The Oracle would say, "being trans is like being in love; no one can tell you youre trans, you just know it, thru and thru, balls to bones" I struggle with my gender in the sense that Im very confident that if I say Im trans, absolutely no one* will believe or validate me, because I dont "look/act trans enough" somehow. I have a natural vagina and like dressing femme (for the most part), but I dont identify with cisness at all. A few years ago, I started to come out as a trans man but that didnt fit either because reasons, and ever since, ive just been floating around in a fog of invalidated gender nothingness. I dont identify with androgyny either so nonbinaryness also feels off limits to me, tho i intellectually understand that it might not be. To be quite frank, ever since i was a young child Ive experienced my gender quite specifically as "if i look less like this and more like him, will you hurt me less? Will you like me more?" But they dont have a flag for that I know what i look like, what body i have and how others perceive me, and the safety that having visual proximity to cisness lends to me, but at the end of the day, the label i feel applies to me still feels offlimits bc i dont have a penis, to the degree that im too terrified to say it even buried at the end of a post like this. So i call myself a nonbinary woman, not because it feels right/fits best, but because it feels safest. I guess what im getting at is: Its okay if your gender is complicated Its okay if nobody but you gets it Gender is and always has been a construct created and sustained for inherently violent reasons If you can figure a way to use it for something other than its intended purpose, excellent 🫶 keep shining your light, youre making the world brighter and safer for all of us 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵 * except my partner. My partner will validate me, I think. Bc theyre kind and they love me. And thats very much not nothing.