Post #82213
2025-12-18 22:41 UTC
Replies (13)
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@dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 2025-12-18 22:48
One of my favorites, and my BF didn't get it D: A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face? Are you depressed?" The horse replies "I don't think I am" At which point, the horse promptly disappears. Now, if you're at all familiar with the works of Rene Descartes, you're likely chuckling at this point, knowing his famous quote "I think, therefore I am" But to tell you that first would have been to put Descartes before the horse.
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@Weirdfish@lemmy.world 2025-12-19 00:21
At one of the no kings rallies, I feel something hit me in the back. Turn around to see a small girl running over to get the large Styrofoam sign that the wind had blown out of her hands. She looks up saying "I'm sorry!". "It's ok, I'm not a space shuttle, I can survive being hit by a foam block". Crickets.
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@Atkat@leminal.space 2025-12-19 04:44
One time, I had to have IV antibiotics for a dental infection, which meant having to be at the hospital for like a half hour every four hours, which sucked. After a couple days of this, praying to get switched to tablets, a doc finally saw me. He walks into the room where I was waiting and the first thing he said was, "so, how about we try oral?", and I was like, "slow down, doc, I just met you." 😂 Swear to god, it did mot register whatsoever that I had made a joke. He responded like I had said slow down the switch to oral medication! I guess maybe he could have just been embarrassed and was trying to duck the moment, but idk. I thought it was a solid joke.
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@TherapyGary@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2025-12-19 00:40
In 7th grade, my class was doing an exercise in which you describe yourself using a list of adjectives starting with each letter in your name. My last name ends in the letter **H**, so I described myself with 11 grandiose adjectives, followed by "and most of all: **H**umble." I didn't get a single laugh, so I just ended up sounding like a narcissist
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@Kowowow@lemmy.ca 2025-12-18 23:36
Short version was getting a remote control vibrator for my dog but that's only because the fancy corection collars with them built in are so expensive
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@porkloin@lemmy.world 2025-12-19 09:21
I live nearish to a military base so a lot of local businesses have a military/veteran discount. At the store I buy dog food at, the staff are so tired of asking about it that they have shortened “are you a member of the military?” to “any military?” After I noticed it a few times that every single employee in the store shortened it that way, I started answering “there is one, but I’m not in it.” Loooots of blank stares. I stopped since apparently nobody gets it or they don’t think it’s funny. I think it’s the former but idk 🤷
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@daannii@lemmy.world 2025-12-19 07:53
I make 3d models for 3d printing. Usually cute shit. I made these little "snow baby" decorations. And I took a photo of them. One is holding a brick that says "to ices" on it. The other is holding a Molotov cocktail. Literally no one. Not a single one of my friends who knows I would 100% pull this, has noticed. Not a single one. I posted it twice just to try to get people to look at it again . Here you are. It's not very funny if I have to tell people, you know? 
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@antrosapien@lemmy.ml 2025-12-19 22:52
My cousin was starting driving lessons and asked me if I know any material to know more about cars in general (I don't know how to drive neither much into cars and she knows that). I suggested to watch Cars documentary on Disney which was so successful that they created 2 sequels
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@dajoho@sh.itjust.works 2025-12-19 06:48
Not specifically a joke, but more intended to make thought processes skip a little and to amuse: My friend: "Didn't they teach you grammar at school?" Me: "no, she didn't go there." -- ..and, if anyone ever tells me to check my pronunciation, I snap back quickly and say it should be pronOUNCEiation, while acting as serious as possible. -- In around 20 years I have gotten about 30 blank stares and one giggle, once. It was completely worth it.
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@Quilotoa@lemmy.ca 2025-12-19 12:41
I made a joke about a roof, but it was over everyone's heads.
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@BananaPeal@sh.itjust.works 2025-12-21 01:48
I don't have any examples of my own, but here is my favorite over explained joke from Scott Pilgrim vs The World. Todd: Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday. Scott: What? Todd: Because you'll be dust by Monday... because you'll be pulverized in two seconds. The cleaning lady? She cleans up... dust. She dusts. Scott: So, what's on Monday? Todd: 'Cause... it's Friday now, she's got the weekends off, so... Monday, right?"
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@melsaskca@lemmy.ca 2025-12-19 13:30
It was a rooster! Get it?! A rooster!! (uncontrollable laughter sets in).
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@Contramuffin@lemmy.world 2025-12-22 08:00
Oh, I've got such a good one. In high school, I was in Science Olympiad (basically a science club). I was always kind of a wishy-washy member, never really a serious or particularly reliable member. But one day, the club needed designs for a new shirt, and they decided to ask the members for some designs that the members would then vote on. I decided to submit a satire shirt. I obviously can't share the full design for privacy reasons, but I went ahead and made it jingoistic/military themed. Fighter jets flying overhead, tanks rolling through. To make sure that people knew I was being *totally serious* about this clearly relevant shirt, I put a stick figure holding a science-looking flask in the corner of the shirt. And then to make sure that everyone knew that we were smart, I put the equation: "3+3=6." All text in comic sans, of course. Anyways, no one got the joke. My design got 1 pity vote. I don't think anyone even believed me when I said that it was a joke, which out of everything was kind of the saddest part for me.