Post #69768

2025-12-16 16:04 UTC

I know for a fact that this exists and even has an explanation, peer-reviewed studies and so on. But on the last few months I’ve felt attracted (and I mean real attraction, not just ‘she’s cute, she’s nice, she would be a rational choice’) to women just to find out later that she’s already in a relationship. Of course if I don’t feel I can really repurpose my feelings towards a true friendship I break contact, but this gets me thinking and looking for some explanations. The thing is that people tend to see others already “committed” as “relationship-rated”, but that didn’t explained why I felt attracted before knowing it. But it seems, and there are studies that apparently support this, that people in relationships feel generally more at ease and have nothing to prove to others, and this reflects in their demeanor, body language, self-confidence, behaviour. Single people that are looking for a significant other, however, normally feel the pressure to “perform” and be desirable, therefore are sometimes perceived as nervous and excessively careful, or even as aggressive. For women, things could be worse, since we live in a profoundly aggressive society towards them, and showing openness could either mean a nice relationship, romantic or not, to being in a toxic relationship, to worse, I mean, way worse. At least that’s what I read about. Did anyone felt the same, even in same-sex interests?

Replies (5)

@hades@feddit.uk 2025-12-16 16:36

This may be true, however a simpler explanation is that a lot of people are in relationships, so the prior probability of liking someone who’s not in a relationship is already low. Also it could be that attractive people are more likely to be in a relationship, further reducing this probability.

Open ##69918
@Dalacos@lemmy.world 2025-12-16 17:16

In my 20s I had something of the opposite and had a number of women interested in me who were themselves in relationships, while I was not. Enough of a ratio compared to women who were single who were interested in me (which was not a high number) that I started to wonder why. I’m not particularly outgoing either. Probably just statistics/chance, but I always wondered if there was something to it I was unconsciously contributing to.

Open ##70056
@HubertManne__dup_8041@piefed.social 2025-12-16 19:20

I dunno. Maybe people are more honest and real. I have a story from my youth. A friend and I put in singles ads in the local paper. Whelp I tend to be a pretty honest and straight forward person so my ad said things like I don’t really excersise but I like doing active things like walking. With his he was putting his best foot forward which to be honest, to me, was pretty much B Sing. So I got a response and he did not and his response was like. How did you get a response. Your add is like hey im fat and lazy. Now that is certainly not what my ad said but to his mind it was. To admit any basic human frailty was to be the worst possible interpretation anyone can make of it. Basically maga level. Of course I think @hades@feddit.uk has a point that people who are catches, good looks and/or great personality and such, likely have an easier time finding relationships

Open ##70509
@BreadOven@lemmy.world 2025-12-17 00:48

At least from my experience, when people are in relationships, they don’t feel like they have to “prove” anything to other individuals which they may want to date/have a relationship with. I think some people take that as a sign of not necessarily attraction, but a sense of ease? Which some people may misconceive as something else. This may be totally wrong, but sort of what I’ve personally seen. Hope it helps.

Open ##71750
@daannii@lemmy.world 2025-12-20 04:19

When someone is in a relationship they are not trying to impress you. They are more genuine. This is an attractive quality.

Open ##2289694