Post #4386706

I have had SUCH an influx of love in my life recently. Love multiplies itself to infinity. I used to not understand why I gave so much love, and yet I received so little. I told myself it was about a karmic bank, but really it turned out to be that I blocked myself from being open to receiving. As I write this, a friend left me a voice note. She was sobbing, because I'd shared a song that brought her back to a memory of herself, her motivations, a physical renewal of her connection to her higher self. My boyfriend is currently on low dose ketamine, looking to connect with his higher self, or at least open his human self to more potent healing medicine. I can feel a softening where there has been hardness between us. My former partner is walking a similar path, across the country, and looks to me for insight, tells me of her experience with EMDR. I love each of these people with my full heart. I see openings to deepen relationships, and yet I do not take them. I have my own self care to attend. I am in a quest to feel my feelings deeply, and this comes before external relationships. I have been so cut off from elevated feelings, it's like trying to revive a leg muscle that didn't get used. I cut my feelings off, in a misguided attempt to shield myself from the extreme negative feelings invoked by my life experience. As I cut myself off from feeling the hurt as deeply, I cut myself off from feeling the good feelings as thoroughly. Falling in love is a good way to feel highs. But the return of a habit of cutting oneself off from the highs was an old pattern. I am creating new patterns. When I have this act of creation as a body feel, I will feel ready to consider relationship deepening. I deeply desire to experience love the way I experienced my first love - total surrender - but this time with life experience and divine connection lighting my path. I've had 3 puberties, why not multiple falling in love for the first time stories? If anything is indeed possible, I know that love is what makes it possible. 💚✌️