Post #4380614

tl;dr: I used the progress flag as my profile pic, I don't disclose pronouns, I went to a pride parade uninvited. I thought I did good things with good intentions. I thought wrong. I have made some involuntary and likely neurospiciness-motivated mistakes. I fucked up big. I learned today that using the progress flag as my profile picture was insanely offensive, since I do not disclose information about my gender identity or sexuality publicly. I also learned that not being comfortable publishing my pronouns makes me an outspoken and active enemy of the queer community, because it hinders the normalizing of pronouns. And honestly, what makes me feel most ashamed: attending a local pride parade while not being an outspoken member of the queer community is somewhere between cultural appropriation and assault. Besides sorry and ashamed, I'm thankful that the fediverse is the place I could learn this - instead of IRL. I'm also thankful to the people who have made the posts that taught me these things. I'm genuinely mortified. And I'm honestly scared to ask for clarification about these things, or what would be the right thing to do. The latter is probably a neurospicy thing. As much as I hate it, I already know that I'm just going to run away from this. I know it doesn't matter, but I really, really, really didn't mean to make anyone feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or anything else. Just like it doesn't matter that I'm scared, because the queer community has been through _way_ worse. My feelings are irrelevant to anyone but me. I won't make any excuses, because it simply does not matter what my intentions are or were. But I want to have said that I promise I did not intend to make anybody uncomfortable or to hurt anyone. It matters even less what I knew or didn't. But I do appreciate that members of the queer community have informed me that I have given the wrong impression and have been deceitful. Likewise, it doesn't matter how sorry I am, but I want to have said that I am. Very much. And I regret having hurt anyone. I was honestly just trying to express some support for the queer community. (Except for the pronoun part. That one's just because I don't want to tell.) Maybe I even wanted to belong a little bit. Maybe I even thought I could do something good. I really don't know why I didn't put two and two together and realize this was not my place to be. It was for me to stand back, listen, and learn. Instead, I have potentially made many people feel unsafe and disenfranchised. I acknowledge and appreciate that none of this hindsight, intention, or sorriness matters. What's relevant here is that I have made people uncomfortable. Just like the people that I condemn for doing the same. I am ashamed and sorry. And everybody is in their good right to be mad at me. That said, I know nobody really cares. I have seven followers who all have way better things to do. And the people I've hurt are surely not going to seek out my profile. Now I'm just another one of those random assholes on the internet. I want to be very clear - I am not writing this to fish for attention. I won't tag anyone or name anyone, and I won't use any tags. I want this off my chest and to have said all this - and then I want to start improving. I want to figure out how to learn what the right thing is to do. That's one of the annoying things about my kind of neurodivergence: I just have no way to know what I need to learn. And I suck at getting up the courage to ask for help or information. I can just guess and fail. Just like I have now. I'll, of course, change my profile pic. And I'll, most importantly, shut the fuck up now.