Post #4309942

feel ashamed of myself for feeling like i'm going to need multiple surgeries before i feel comfortable in my self. the big one, sure, there's no other way out of that bind. but the others, feel like excesses, frivolities, weaknesses: someone else, who was more driven, more lucky, or more accepting of themselves, someone who "did better", or someone who just... was better, wouldn't need them. i had the conception, when i began this, that i was going to be one of those folks who let the dice roll as they would and i'd be happy with the result. maybe that's what i needed to believe to have the courage to start. but i sort of feel stupid for ever thinking that now, for having that hope.