Post #4258468

Yesterday was hard. Woke up with atrial fibrillation and spent the day stressed and wondering if i should go to the hospital. Got called by the charity i'd done two interviews for to say that even though they loved me and i was amazing they were hiring the other person. Then cooked an amazing dinner for the family which i couldnt eat because I've got an endoscopy coming up. Of course all of this inspired many hours of bleak introspection and second guessing of all my life choices. I'm trying to sit with disappointment today without sliding into despair. My heart at least has settled down so i can go for a gentle walk. I'm worried about money, my girls, my long suffering hard working wife, and how to summon the resilience & perspective needed to change this state of affairs. Sorry for the personal moan, I'm just feeling it keenly this morning.