Post #4116836

One day before an assessment of my bagpipe performance skills and theory knowledge (a prerequisite for teaching certification) and I am going full-on AuDHD. PDA Rehearsing failure Mono-focusing Being grumpy and annoyed at my utterly innocent and thoughtful partner for things I normally love him for. Shallow breathing, upset stomach, hyper-arousal of all senses (tried to eat one of my favourite meals today and the smell of the pre-cooked ingredients made me almost vomit), inability to relax… I want it to be over NOW. Then after the exam, I’ll be fine, I will miss the hyper-focus time, I will start thinking about what I can do NEXT that will be complex, intense, and challenging, and I will be full of energy. Did I mention this is the last commitment I made before having a silent heart attack? I have declared my retirement, started the admin to close my business, and I don’t know if I will actually want to teach. But I have been working toward this milestone for 2.5 years, through medical diagnoses, business insanity, and the *waves hands* state of the world. I just want to get it finished and be able to say I saw it through and did my best. It’s honestly the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Bagpipes are the most bonkers complex instrument to learn to play if you actually want to learn all about them. So when I’m done, tomorrow at noon my time, I’m gonna be pretty pleased with myself. And exhausted. And feeling free for the first time in decades. But right now I’m just not fun to be around. Especially to myself. Ugh. Kudos to all my neurokin for finishing really difficult things you start. #AuDHD #ActuallyAutistic #Bagpipes #Music