Post #4106475

It has been 17 weeks now since I lost my partner. I just wonder. When will I finally feel normal again? When will it stop that every Monday and every Tuesday is coursed for me, and of course every 24th? I can be happy again. Or at least I think I can, but it constantly feels like I am playing my self or something like that. The last 17 weeks passed like it were 4 and I have memory holes all over the place. At least the dissociating stopped, or I think it did at least. But I wonder if it will ever get normal again. If I am able to learn to live with the fact that I could have stopped the death of my partner from happening. Not even coding new things really helps, as I constantly have to think about how much they would have enjoyed the things I am putting out.