Post #4006130

@Grumblesock@clew.lol @nigga_tyreese@poa.st Thank you for the kind words. A bit more than three years, felt like forever considering how many crazy experiences we've been through. I'm trying my best to handle it well, cleaning up my house, fixing things, dead lifting almost every day, walking outside for hours, visiting family and friends, cooking new things, negotiating new work contracts. Sleep is the only thing I think I'm not doing very well at. At the same time, I'm trying my best not to evade thinking about things when they come up, so they don't build up and explode at me later. Everything feels empty right now, but I still go through the motions because I know if I stop I will fall apart, and it would be very hard to put myself together afterwards. Therapy as a concept does not even exist around here. I don't know if she will ever come back, considering she's so far removed from my life now, and is on the other side of the planet, and I try not to keep my hopes up because false hope is worse than dealing with the pain. I'm not chasing her, because I know it will make her hate me if I do. I tried to be positive at first and talk about things and "fix" things when she brought it up, but once she said she doesn't want to talk anymore I stopped talking to her completely. Whatever she ends up doing, she needs the space to consider things for herself, with a level mind, away from my influence.