Post #3957387

It is Monday morning, and it is time once again for your daily dose of a #SnarkyWeather report for Holt Michigan. Alright you beautiful bastards in Holt, Michigan, wake the hell up because it is 6 in the goddamn morning and Mother Nature decided to crank the humidity to a disgusting 91 percent and wrap the whole town in a thick wet blanket of fog and mist. It is 53.6 degrees out, the wind is dead calm at zero mph so the air is just sitting there like a fat lazy cat that ate too much, and you can see a whopping five miles ahead which is great if you enjoy driving into oblivion but shit if you were hoping to admire your neighbor's ugly shed. Oh and surprise, there is an Air Quality Alert hanging over us from yesterday afternoon courtesy of the NWS Grand Rapids crew who clearly had nothing better to do than remind us the air might try to kill us slowly. Probably from all the fart clouds drifting in. Monday bumps up to a sweaty 83 degrees with more patchy smoke and a light 12 mph breeze from the south southwest, just enough to blow the stink of your own bad life choices back in your face. Monday night we get a 67 degree chance of showers and thunderstorms with winds at 14 mph, so if you planned to grill naked in the backyard now is the time to reconsider you weirdo. Tuesday is basically a repeat of Monday's bullshit at 83 degrees with a 16 mph west southwest wind and another chance of showers and thunderstorms, and Tuesday night cools to 55 with storms possibly giving up and then parting ways for partly cloudy skies and a stiff 16 mph northwest wind that will mess up whatever hair you have left. By Wednesday the weather finally pulls its head out of its ass and gives us sunny 75 degrees with a 12 mph northwest wind, a rare day where you can go outside without feeling like you are inhaling a campfire's diarrhea. So for you planning activities this week: today is for staying inside and questioning your decision to live in Michigan, tonight and Monday are for wearing a mask like it is still 2020 but this time because the air is trash, and if you want to do anything outdoors without sweating your balls off or getting rained on wait for Wednesday you lazy fucks.