Post #3956955

2026-07-20 10:13 UTC

"Do better, instead of saying that you already are." This is a post I made on my personal Fedi profile a while back and I thought it would be appreciated here. Because it occurs very frequently here too and it’s something that any women expressing her experience with men on the internet has to deal with. Here is the full text of the post, should you not want to visit the link: CONTENT NOTICE: talking about cisgender men on fedi (and the internet as a whole) This is gonna sound like a call out post, and… No, it really isn’t. I’m not calling out anyone in particular. I’ve just seen it one too many times. The straw, the camel’s back, yadiyada. My cis dudes. I love you. I really do. But I’m tired of you going under women’s post expressing their grievances about men, to explain how ashamed you are of other men. It’s… It’s tiring. Like, it’s really fucking tiring. Because you don’t realize that every time we make such a post there is at least one or two of you. Every time. We don’t care about you being not like the other guys. Yes, sure, are one of the good ones, whatever. Good boy and all that. But when you do this, not only do you not contribute anything to the discussion, you’re actually adding to the problem. It’s adding emotional labour to the women trying to explain themselves when really you should just stay quiet and listen. Give a like. Boost the post, even. But you don’t need to say anything, not to us. Call out other men in the responses that are probably trying to argue and ending up exactly proving her point. Do better, instead of saying that you already are. ⚠️ OBLIGATORY REMINDER: THIS IS A WOMEN ONLY COMMUNITY & SPACE See “Rule 1: Women only… Trans women are women, and transphobic or gender critical talk isn’t allowed. Anyone under the trans umbrella (e.g. non-binary, bigender, agender) is free to decide whether a women’s community is a good fit for them.”

Replies (5)

@velma@sh.itjust.works 2026-07-20 12:14

It’s always telling that those comments don’t pop up on posts in here like Monday Motivations or sex toy or fashion conversations. Pretty much as soon as a man makes those comments to me about being a “good one”, I know they’re not any better. Because it’s clear they haven’t worked through their own shit and have to lean on women to be reassured they’re not as bad as the others. Anyway, hope you have a great start to your week, purplerabbit! And may the comments you see be supportive and informational :)

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@Wren@lemmy.today 2026-07-20 14:10

That was well said, especially the part about emotional labour. Makes me think of a time that me and a few other women were talking to each other at a tech conference, and kept getting interrupted by men who came over to tell us how lovely it was to see women in tech. I wish we had “good boy” stickers to pass out and send them on their way.

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@Pandantic@midwest.social 2026-07-20 13:16

I’d like to let you know that, personally, I would never tell you that I’m one of the good ones. Can I have my good boy sticker now so everyone knows? Seriously tho, it’s not that hard to just recognize there’s space for other people to be mad at their life experience and that, unless you are the literal person in the story, it’s not about you and you can just move on. I know, I’ve done it (so can I have my good girl sticker now?).

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@Malyca@lemmy.zip 2026-07-21 01:08

IDK man I feel like there’s more deserving shit to be upset about.

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@LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone 2026-07-20 12:30

Hey friend this is a really interesting post! I need you to remove the bit saying it’s a women only community. In the past we’ve been attacked more when we’ve highlighted that

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