Post #3933175

Here we are. The start of a new week. I really hope mother nature calms down a bit as last week was just down right crazy! Will she? well lets have a look at the #SnarkyWeather report to find out. Alright you beautiful bastards in Holt, Michigan, wake the hell up because here is your weather report straight from someone who is fucking tired of telling you it is partly cloudy for the tenth day in a row. Right now at 7:15 in the goddamn morning it is 59 degrees, which sounds nice until you realize it is thicker than a politician's skull out there with fog and mist and a humidity level of 90 percent. Yeah, 90 fucking percent. You are basically breathing soup. Wind is zero mph so the air is just sitting there like your lazy uncle on the couch, doing absolutely nothing. Visibility is about 5 miles which means you can see your neighbor's house but probably not his goddamn sense of boundaries. Pressure is normal, blah blah blah. Oh and surprise, there is an Air Quality Alert from yesterday because apparently the air is not just wet and shitty, it is also bad for your lungs. Maybe don't go for a jog and die, that would ruin my comedy. Now for the shit show coming up. Today you get 81 degrees and areas of smoke. Because fog was not enough, let us add smoke like the universe is smoking a joint and forgot to pass it to us. Wind picks up to a whopping 6 mph from the north northeast, so tiny. Tonight 59 degrees and patchy smoke, because consistency is for losers. Monday it warms to 83 with patchy smoke then mostly sunny, like the sky cannot commit to anything. Winds 12 mph from the south southwest, still weak. Monday night the skies finally grow a pair and bring showers and thunderstorms at 66 degrees. Tuesday 84 with showers and thunderstorms and a slightly less pathetic 16 mph wind, then Tuesday night it cools to 57 with a chance of showers and thunderstorms before getting partly cloudy. So basically if you planned a fucking picnic this week, you are an idiot and the weather will punish you for it. Bottom line Holt: wear a mask for the air, drive slow in the fog, and if you hear thunder just sit your ass inside with a beer because mother nature is having mood swings and you are not invited to calm her down.