Post #3883761

it is Friday, and for some of you this means that the weekend is very close. Lets see what the #SnarkyWeather report is saying for today, and the weekend, shall we. Alright you beautiful bastards in Holt, Michigan, wake the hell up because the weather this morning is about as exciting as watching paint dry in a coma. It is 7:05 in the goddamn morning, it is 61.88 degrees which is basically sweater weather if you are a pussy, and we are sitting in fog and mist with 88 percent humidity. Yeah you heard me, 88 percent. It is so wet out there you could lick the air and get your daily water intake. Wind is zero mph so the mosquitoes are having a goddamn orgy on your porch and visibility is about one and a half miles which means you can see your neighbor's house but not the shit-eating grin on his face. Pressure is high at 30.1 inHg so enjoy that because the air is about to turn into a fart cloud. We have a Special Weather Statement from NWS Grand Rapids because apparently they felt the need to tell us it is foggy when we can already see we are in a damn cloud. We also have not one but two Air Quality Alerts from yesterday because the air is apparently too trash to breathe, severity unknown which probably means they do not know if it will kill you or just make you cough like a chain smoker. Now here is the kicker for your weekend plans you lazy fucks. Today it is going to cook your balls at 91 degrees with smoke blowing in at 8 mph from the south. So if you were gonna grill outside you are just gonna season your burgers with wildfire soot, enjoy that shit. Tonight 71 degrees and patchy smoke, real romantic if you like sucking on a campfire. Saturday we hit 89 with showers and thunderstorms likely and 15 mph wind from the west, so your picnic will turn into a wet t-shirt contest whether you like it or not. Saturday night drops to a brisk 60 and mostly clear so you can finally see the stars while you nurse your hangover. Sunday is 83 and sunny with a light north wind, actually a decent day for once so maybe touch grass you weirdo. Sunday night 61 and mostly clear, perfect for sneaking out to piss in the bushes. Bottom line: today is a smoky sauna, Saturday is a wet mess, Sunday is the only day you will not want to punch the sky. Plan accordingly and stop bitching to me about it.