Post #3520715

Last day of Pride. My first since being out to everyone. (Even if my family don’t know what to do with me, but I’m moving closer to giving zero fucks about that.) I’ve said this kind of thing before, but it’s what I wish I’d heard in my teens, so I’m repeating it anyway. If you’re having feelings around gender that you don’t understand, that’s normal. Sit with them. Listen to them. It’s scary, but running from them won’t work forever, and the intervening time will feel much, much worse. Having those feels doesn’t mean you’re trans. It might, but only you can figure that out. And if you come out the other side still cis? That’s fine too! You’ll still have done more introspection and soul searching than most people. Either way, knowing yourself is a boon. And if all those thoughts land on “maybe I’m trans”? Same answer - know thyself. But especially, know this: You. Are. Valid. I know that feels cliche, and you want to dismiss it as such. But it’s the truth. Questioning your gender makes you just as trans as someone who’s changed their presentation, as someone who’s started HRT, as someone who’s had multiple gender-affirming surgeries. ANYONE who tells you otherwise is a gatekeeping shithead. “But I haven’t earned it!” It’s your gender. You don’t earn it. As the poem says, you carve it “into the side of the world with fire”. If it’s not safe for you to come out, or present, or anything else you might want, I understand and my heart goes out to you. I was in a similar situation. Thinking about it makes me cry. And so does thinking about everyone who can’t be themselves because of family or society. But again - you are still valid. That warm core inside that brightens when you think about presenting a certain way, or hearing your chosen name, or being referred to be your preferred pronouns? No one can take that from you. Life may push you down, and it may be hard to feel, but I promise you it’s still there. And when you’re able to be yourself, you’ll still have moments and days when dysphoria and envy and especially regret will thrash at you and tear at your skin. You. Are. Still. Valid. That glowing center is still there, reminding you that joy can be found in simply existing. Please stay. Survive. Your light and your story will one day be the nudge someone else needs to find themself. You may never know you had an effect on them, but they’ll remember you. #Trans