Post #327414

I don't know if it's because I'm stuck at home pretending to work and the weather is rainy today or anything, but the more it goes, the more I feel like the world is unreal. I don't think I'm feeling bad these days, quite the opposite, I'm quite calm, relaxed. I care so little about work, I'm basically paid for just existing. I've been coding fun stuff, learning languages. I go to the gym and build meat. I'm doing fine But at the same time, I feel a weird-ass kind of abstract dissociation taking place. I feel stranger to my family, to the outside, to my own future. Now I'm sad because just looking outside feels like I'm a cat in my apartment, denied from ever touching grass. Am I depressed? Am I relaxed? I don't know. I'm bored tho. And it's rainy and I can't just shut down the computer and go for a walk to breeze fresh air. And since I'm technically at work, people can technically call me to do tasks at any time, so I must be reachable and be ready to use the computer. I am not physically stuck at home, but metaphorically, I'm still chained here.